The Virtuous and The Righteous

… are diametrically opposed.

The virtuous are naturally honorable. They operate for the betterment of others and for the world around them. They uphold values that reflect their high morals and integrity. They operate under a ‘service to others’ operandi. And most importantly, they do not seek recognition for their values. They do the right thing because it’s the right thing to do. They ARE the virtue they hold; it comes naturally from within themselves.

The righteous want to be seen as honorable. They operate for the betterment of themselves. They uphold values that are seen as moral and uphold a value system that is validated by a given group or ideology. These people operate purely as ‘service to self’ and ultimately seek validation and recognition outside themselves for upholding these values. They have a need to prove to others that the values they hold are held in high regard. Their validation comes from outside themselves; it comes from consensus and group think.

The virtuous have nothing to prove to others, whereas the righteous feel the need to convince you of the validity of their position.

The virtuous has no need to be seen as “right” in the eyes of others whereas the righteous need the validation of others in order to feel as if they are living right.

The virtuous respect and accept all beings for who they are, regardless of their opinions or means of expression, whereas the righteous will only accept you if you are beholden to the values they espouse.

Where do you fall along the spectrum? What is your motivation for the values you hold? These days our society is trending with ‘virtue signaling’ behavior. Is that virtuous or is it righteous? You decide.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

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Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

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Sorry Doesn’t Cut It

… CHANGING the behavior does.

Sorry is just a word; albeit an important word that accepts responsibility for a hurtful or inappropriate action. But let’s be honest, it’s just a word – and a word can never change an action.

Sorry is nice but when it is NOT followed up with better behavior, it becomes manipulative. Sorry is a way of gaining someone’s trust and loyalty, but if the behavior remains unchanged, sorry just becomes a placating and deceitful sentiment. Furthermore, you can only hear “sorry” so many times before it no longer has any resonance for you.

If someone is truly sorry for their actions, they STOP the behavior and they become a better version of themselves. If they are not truly sorry for their actions or they are just acting unconsciously, their actions will unfortunately continue. “Sorry” only goes so far, if the behavior remains unchanged, people shut down to it and walk away, understandably so.

Sorry doesn’t make things better. Changing the behavior does. Don’t try to manipulate someone by placating them with “sorry.” If you do, you’ll be the one who is sorry when they give up on you and finally walk away.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

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Holding Onto Something Longer Than You Should

… doesn’t make it right for you.

Or even make it better for that matter.

It just makes you tired of holding it.

Sometimes we think that if we hold on tighter to what is NOT working, it will all of a sudden become more of what we want. But it doesn’t work that way.

The longer you hold onto what is NOT working, the harder it gets to disassociate from it. And the longer you hold onto what is NOT working, the harder it gets to open up to something healthier and more fulfilling.

Obstacles are clear indicators that it might be time to let go of what you are holding onto. If it is getting harder and harder to hold onto what you are clutching in your fists, it might be time to relinquish your control over it. Holding onto it longer doesn’t make it better for you or even make it right, it just exhausts you and takes energy away from your ability find something much better.

It’s exhausting to hold on to something longer than you should. When you feel depleted and realize that what you are holding onto is not changing, offer it up to the universe to transform it appropriately. After all, if it is not working for you, there is always a reason why and perhaps a reason why you are unwilling to see it.

So, if you are holding on longer than you should, be brave and let it go. Give your knuckles a rest and open up your palms to receive something healthier and happier. It’s ALWAYS there for you whenever you are ready to release your grip. The rest of your life is waiting for you to let go of what isn’t working. Haven’t you carried it long enough?

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

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If You Are Feeling Stuck in Your Life

… Change it up.

Explore MORE. Do MORE. Experience MORE.

Or risk staying in the same place forever.

Change doesn’t happen by standing still. Nothing ever changes in your life until you invite the powers of change in.

Everything is energy and when we repeat the same patterns of behavior that make us feel stuck and bound, we cement that energy around us. In other words, repetition is binding. By engaging in the same behavior over and over again, we create walls around us that keep us trapped in the unhappy place we’ve created for ourselves. It makes it impossible for any degree of change to reach us.

Change requires “flexible” energy – doing new things, experiencing new situations and exploring new sides to ourselves. This flexible energy has the ability to “poke holes” in the walls of stagnancy around us and bring about change.

So if you are feeling stuck, get out of your rut. Change up your routine. Do something new – anything new. Do even just one small thing differently and let that fresh energy begin to chip away at the walls that bind you.

Complacency breeds stagnancy and stagnancy cannot exist in a world where change reigns. You may not know how to get out of feeling stuck, but you can make small changes to your life and routine and those small changes have the power to break the chains that bind you.

If you are feeling stuck, change it up. Don’t let fear keep you complacent. You don’t have to have all the answers, you just have to make one small change and the universe will conspire with you to help break the chains that bind you. Anytime you are ready to be free, the rest of your life is ready to begin.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

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Negotiating With Crazy

… makes you JUST as crazy.

Yet we try to do it anyway.

In life, your only responsibility is to express yourself to others and to do so kindly, constructively and compassionately. Then your work is DONE. You owe nothing else.

Your work is never to make the other person understand you. In fact, they may NEVER understand you. They may never be able to understand you. But that is about them, NOT YOU.

People always come to the table with their own bag of tricks – their own fears, struggles and hidden pains that generally create protective barriers around them. In other words, people shut down to hearing what might very well cause them pain or confusion or burst their bubble of “reality.”

But here’s the deal… those walls are theirs and it is not your job to try and tear them down so that they can hear you. Your job is only to express your truth in the kindest fashion possible and then LET IT GO. Don’t need them to agree with you. And certainly don’t argue with them either. Instead give them space to hear and digest what you have said. They will come around in their own time and if they don’t, they might not be the right people to have in your life at that moment.

It is also important to remember that people who are hurting naturally come across as “illogical and irrational” in their speech, but again, you cannot change that for them. You can only offer your truth with kindness, compassion and understanding. And realize at that point that your work is done. Bless them and walk away.

Trying to negotiate with crazy will make you just as crazy. Recognize that it’s NEVER your job to convince someone of your feelings and intentions. It is only your job to express them with kindness and let others find their way with them. When they are ready, they will hear you and in the interim, invest in others who are more open to who you are and what you have to say. After all, life is too short to feel like you are talking to a wall. Don’t make yourself crazy, put your energy into talking with someone whom you can actually have a 2-way dialogue with.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

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When You Know Who You Are

… you stand apart from the crowd.

When you don’t know who you are, you get LOST in that crowd.

Everyone wants to be SOMEBODY, but the only way we become a somebody is to make sure that we do NOT become just ANYBODY. 

It is human nature to seek acceptance and approval from others. But you are here in this life to live YOUR LIFE, not anyone else’s. So in essence, it doesn’t matter what other people think, it only matters what you think.

When you live your life according to the thoughts and opinions of others, you hide your light. But when you can express your own unique viewpoint, you share that light with the world and you become known and appreciated for that beautiful light.

You only become GREAT in life by knowing who you are – knowing your unique traits, knowing your unique strengths, knowing your unique perspective and being able to express that out into the world. Being your own unique self sets you apart from the crowd and gives you a competitive advantage.

Do you want to shine? Do you want to be GREAT? Do you want to make a mark on the world? Step aside of the crowd. Do things YOUR WAY.

When you know who you are and you strive to express that everyday, you become known for who you are/what you represent BUT when you hide behind others’ ideals, you get lost in the crowd of mediocrity.

It is always your choice. Where do you stand in your life? Do you know who you are? People who know who they are are extraordinary beings and their light always shines. Conversely, people who fit in NEVER get seen. Where do you want to stand?

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

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Numbing Yourself

… is a way of distracting yourself AWAY FROM YOUR PAIN.

And we all do it. And we are mostly unconscious of it.

You see, we all have “edges” (boundaries) and when we come up to an edge, we generally and very instinctively run away from it so not to feel the pain that could arise by bumping into that edge.

The “edges” represent a line of emotion that if crossed, the psyche tells us we will feel pain and it is human nature to avoid pain. So when we come up against one of our edges, we usually “run away” by numbing ourselves in a myriad of ways. Maybe you recognize some of them?

– over-indulging in addictive behaviors – food, drink, drugs, video games, sex, etc…

– distracting ourselves with our work/career

– “being too busy”/over-scheduled

– distracting/preoccupying oneself so not to have to focus on what another is saying to us or not having the time to see our own patterns playing out

– putting on armor so people do not know who really are

– changing the subject when the topic pushes an edge of ours

– avoiding deep conversations/connections with others that could potentially hit an edge of ours

– blaming others for our own wrong doings

We may also hit an edge when someone hurts us or when someone loves us more than we love ourselves.

So inevitably, romantic love brings up all our edges. If your life strategy includes hiding from your edges, you will never feel comfortable with someone whom you innately know will push that edge.

The problem isn’t that we have edges, it’s that we spend an inordinate amount of time trying to avoid hitting those edges. But the thing about edges is that they blunt over time – if you approach them often enough. The more experience you have coming up to those edges and experiencing your fears, the less sharp those edges are.

When you come up to an edge, it is your indication that you are feeling an emotion that does not feel safe, but every emotion is there to teach you something about yourself. Dive in.

Avoiding your edges and numbing yourself so you never feel them will NEVER serve you. Your emotionality will never evolve. Do the work on those emotions when they come up and you will find that you know yourself much better and you become emotionally stronger. Know your edges. Know what they bring up. And don’t avoid hitting them. A better day is ahead of you once you wake up from your tranquilized slumber.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

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Silence is The Greatest Teacher

… because words can get in the way.

Sometimes we use too many words. Sometimes we use the wrong words. Sometimes we use words as a weapon. Sometimes we use words to control/manipulate.

In any relationship, communication is key. But have you ever hit a wall with someone when they’re just not hearing you?

Words are a necessary evil and when used wisely, they can heal and inspire any situation, but when your words are not being received well, they can create more harm than good.

In life, your work is to express yourself kindly, constructively and compassionately and then WALK AWAY – step back and give space and silence to absorb. Know that you have nothing else to prove.

Defending yourself voraciously doesn’t get you heard.

Trying to convince others that you’re right doesn’t get you heard.

Arguing your point over and over again doesn’t get you heard.

At some point, people just shut down and can no longer hear. When you’ve reached that point, it’s best to pull back your energy and give space and silence for others to process what you have said.

Through that silence people are better able to find their own way with it. No one is saying not to communicate and express yourself, but when words are not working, the strongest statement you can make is NO statement. Silence tells them how you are feeling, where are you standing on an issue, and how tolerant and understanding you will be moving forward.

Silence is the greatest teacher. If you want someone to hear you, stop talking. Your silence will tell them everything they need to know.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

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Miracles Happen

… and they happen everyday.

Especially at the New Year. If you want this year to be different, set your intention for it to be so and BELIEVE in it.

You can have anything you want in life – if you are clear in setting your intention for it and if you put your faith/belief in it. It’s very simple. Everything is energy and if your energy is clearly directed, and it’s placed with belief/faith, it will yield many gifts/surprises.

But if your energy very easily falls into patterns of disillusionment, disbelief and fear of not having enough, then your energy will be blocked and miracles will NEVER happen. Remember, you get what you put your energy into. If you are focusing on the negativity and pain in your life, you will never manifest the love and miracles you desire. Shift your vibration and put that high energy into believing in your ability to manifest your dreams and they will come true for you.

Believe in yourself. Believe in the love you have for yourself and know that you are worthy beyond measure of having your own miracles. Every being is worthy of having their own miracles, they just need to get out of their own way in order to bring those miracles to life. Miracles only happen where love, faith and belief are present.

Close the door on fear. If you stop believing, you will never see any magic. And it’s definitely the year for magic and miracles. What are the miracles you want to see in your life? It’s your time to shine. Miracles happen… and they happen everyday. Be realistic and expect them. Isn’t it about time?

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

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Giving and Receiving

… must be in equal measure.

ALWAYS.

The name of the game is “boundaries.” Giving is a beautiful thing but if you GIVE TOO MUCH, there will always be an expectation for that level of giving. And if you are giving too much without giving to yourself, you will be depleting your own resources. So who wins here? Is it the one who plays the martyr and gives everything away and loses themselves in the process? No. In fact no one wins.

Any relationship is about balance – that goes for love relationships, parent-child relationships, working relationships, etc. Giving and receiving must be in equal measure. If you are giving to yourself while receiving from others, you are in beautiful place to give to others. But as soon as the balance of power shifts and everything is given to the other, then you are left with nothing and feel consequently exhausted, depleted, depressed, resentful and angry. But who set it up that way? No one took anything from you that wasn’t on offer. 

If you are unhappy with what you are receiving from others, STOP GIVING. Define your boundaries and express yourself. People respect people who respect themselves. People walk on doormats because they are put out for just that purpose. If you need more from someone, giving more to them will NOT get you there. Time to pull it back and put that energy into yourself. When you give to you, you have more to give to others. And when you give to you, others will recognize and respect that they need to give to you in order to continue to receive what they need from you. This is the essence of a healthy, balanced relationship.

No sense in being angry with your situation. You are where you are because you’ve allowed it. Giving and receiving must be in equal measure, if it’s not, it’s time to make another decision.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

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