You Can’t Change People

… who can’t see an issue in their behavior.

Not everyone is conscious. Not everyone has the ability to see how their actions affect others. If you have to tell someone over and over again that they’re hurting you, they are unable to process your pain, most likely because they haven’t processed their own. 

In order for them to honor your feelings, they first have to look at themselves in the mirror and accept responsibility for how they’ve made you feel. But for many, that reflection can be very painful and bring up other past failures. No one wants to feel responsible for hurting someone else and no one wants to feel like a failure; it’s much easier to just shut down and become defensive — “let me prove to you that I don’t need to change, you do.”

If someone is truly evolved, they know they are not responsible for how you feel, BUT they will always have a degree of empathy for your feelings and will always be able to honor them in whatever way they can. 

If they can’t hear your pain, you’ll never be able to get them to honor it. If you’re trying to communicate your feelings and they’re being defensive, walk away, sometimes silence can be the greatest teacher. If your words aren’t enough to help them hear you, then stop talking and give them the time and space to hear what you have already said.

You can’t change people who can’t see an issue in their behavior. You can’t get anyone to stop hurting you until they come face to face with their own pain. If they cannot change themselves, how are you ever going to change them? Life is too short to try and teach unconscious people how to honor your feelings. Walk away and in time the universe will deliver you someone who can honor your heart.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

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Searching For Yourself

… helps you to discover who you really are.

Finding yourself is a life-long journey and it starts with the search for clarity — “Who am I? What makes me happy? What’s my purpose? Why do people treat me the way they do?”

We all ask these questions but why ask them if we’re not willing to hear the answers and act upon them?

When you’re consciously walking through your life, you’re awake. You get it. You see it. You feel it. You don’t ignore it. You don’t push it aside and brush it under the rug. You listen to it, integrate it and transform because of it.

But when you’re sleepwalking your way through your life, you miss all the significance and you miss the simple synchronicities that are meant to transform you and the path you’re walking.

Pay attention to your life, it’s trying to tell you something. There’s a rhyme and reason for every situation and every person you encounter in life. And the more you understand that, the better your life gets. And the sooner you understand that, the faster the rewards come.

There’s a deeper meaning to your life if you’re willing to be conscious of it. The universe is always whispering the answers to you, you just have to become adept to hearing the responses and identifying the next step.

You’re never alone and you’re never without answers. The universe gives you several spiritual tools to help you to understand who you are and why your life is unfolding the way it is. Life is a process of uncovering yourself. Are you still hiding from yourself or are you ready to be found. Whenever you’re ready, the rest of your life is waiting to begin.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

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Distance Brings You Closer

… to WHAT’S RIGHT for you.

And it pulls you away from WHAT’S NOT.

The way to know whether something is working for you or not is to take a break from it. 

Sometimes we are too close to what’s right in front of us to be able to see it objectively. Space gives you the opportunity to see more clearly.

When you take a time out, it gives you time to check back in with yourself and re-evaluate the situation to see whether or not it is supportive of your needs. If you’re too close to something, you’ll never see it clearly.

Distance is the greater arbiter of justice. If a relationship is healthy, space makes the heart grow fonder. If it’s unhealthy, it’ll destroy it. 

There is a process to your life. Learn to trust it. Don’t waste your time forcing a decision. Take some space from it. If it’s right for you, the distance will bring you closer. If it’s not, the distance will rip it away from you — and that is always a process you can trust.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook. 

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

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When You Walk Away

… walk away with love.

ALWAYS with love.

Our lives consist of many different types of relationships, but not every one of those relationships is meant to be in your life forever. And even those that are, seldom make it there, unfortunately.

Not everyone will understand you and support who you are. Not everyone will appreciate you and not take you for granted. Not everyone will make time for you. Not everyone will be able to communicate with you. Not everyone will recognize the beauty in your relationship until it’s too late. And certainly not everyone will recognize what they have lost until they have truly lost it. That’s generally how it works.

And some people NEVER learn but remain comfortable in their patterns — forever blaming their patterns for why they cannot move forward. And forever repeating those patterns in hopes that one day they find the “magic person” who can fix it for them. But that never works.

Relationships aren’t important for where they bring you to, they are only important for how they have changed you.

If people you are involved with cannot see the value of what you bring to the table, then they do not get to have you.

But love them anyway.

Love them because they taught you so much about yourself. Love them because they helped shape your heart and open your mind. Love them because they unveiled your hidden pain and your fears so you could work on them. Love them because they taught you what you do and DO NOT want to experience in a relationship. Love them because it is that love that will transform you. And finally love them, because if you don’t, you will just carry the scars of that hurt forward into your next relationship. And you deserve better than that.

When people can’t appreciate what they have in you, don’t fight them, quietly disappear from their lives, and take that love with you. When you leave with love, you leave with all the learning that made you BETTER. You are the one who wins. Let that love transform you on your path forward and happily open you up to a new tomorrow.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

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If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

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Don’t Give Up The Fight

… until you don’t have any fight left.

If there is someone or something you want in life, you fight for it. Otherwise you lose it.

How do you know it’s worth fighting for?

If its presence in your life makes you better, makes you happier, lifts you, supports you and challenges you to think of things in a new way — it’s worth fighting for.

If its presence in your life doesn’t shift your consciousness, doesn’t make you feel happy & supported, doesn’t uplift you, doesn’t push you beyond yourself, and doesn’t encourage you to be a better version of yourself — it’s not worth the fight.

Just because it’s difficult DOESN’T MEAN it’s NOT worth fighting for.

Anything worth the fight is worth fighting for. And anything difficult that’s worth fighting for, is challenging your sense of commitment and dedication.

If something is right for you, there will always be solutions. If it is NOT right for you, options will seem impossible.

Listen to how you feel. Your emotions tell you everything you need to know about what is right for you. If it feels right to you, fight and fight harder; if it doesn’t feel right and you’re exhausted and depleted, walk away and give the situation time to heal.

Don’t give up the fight until you’ve lost your will to fight. Decide what is worth fighting for, put forth your best effort, and let the universe do the rest. Answers ALWAYS come when YOU DON’T GIVE UP THE FIGHT. 

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

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Being Emotionally Needy

… needs from others.

Being emotionally independent needs ONLY from oneself.

If you continually need someone to do/say something in order for you to feel validated and secure, then you’re emotionally needy. Needing others in order to feel fulfilled within yourself is a losing strategy.

Others are NOT YOU. Others come and go into your life and their opinions are subjective. So to base your identity on the whim of outside opinion denies you of your ability to define yourself. If your own validation is contingent on someone/something outside of you, then it’s NOT YOURS.

When you need someone to do/say something to make you feel better about yourself, you’re GIVING YOUR POWER OVER TO THEM. When you give your power over to others to dictate how you feel, you lose your yourself.

Needing something outside of you tells you that YOU DO NOT HAVE IT.

Needing someone outside of you tells you that YOU ARE NOT IT.

No one has something that you do not already have. You have all you need inside yourself. Remember, no one has control over your life unless you give it to them. Once you give your control over to others, your happiness and identity is in their hands and your emotions are at their mercy.

Your power is yours. Your only consistency is within yourself. Don’t be emotionally needy. Take back control over your life and learn how to be emotionally independent within yourself. No more needing, it’s your life, you do not need anyone else to help you define any of it. Now, it’s just time to live it.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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Relationships Are About RELATING To Others

… NOT just to yourself.

Sounds obvious, but it’s not.

Relationships are a 2-way street. They require that 2 people relate to each other, deeply connect to each other, communicate with each other and share their lives with each other. 

If you are not doing this, you are NOT in a relationship. After all, you can’t just BE in a relationship, you have to RELATE to someone in a relationship. That’s how they work.

Relating isn’t just physical, it is emotional and mental as well. Relating is the magic ingredient that turns strangers into friends, roommates into lovers and lovers into committed partners. Relating is what keeps couples growing and evolving together, learning new things about each other and keeping their relationship fresh and exciting.

Where there is NO relating, there is NO relationship. If you are not relating to someone you are involved with, you are just co-existing together and that makes for a very lonely existence. Talking to your partner shouldn’t feel like talking to a wall. Being with your partner shouldn’t make you feel more lonely. If your presence in someone’s life isn’t adding value, why are you there? Without the deeper process of relating and developing a real connection, 2 people are just 2 people in a room, ghosts passing in the night, and after awhile those 2 people will no longer have a reason to be together. Don’t let your relationship get to that point. No one wants to sit across from their lover in silence because they’ve lost their connection to each other or worse – never had one.

Take the time to relate to another person. Get to know them deeply and take an active interest in them – engage them – get to know what’s important to them – share in their experiences and in turn, EQUALLY SHARE YOUR LIFE with them. Let them into your world and find ways to weave your lives together and from there grow your connection everyday. For if you don’t, you will forever remain just 2 people in a room.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

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Codependent Relationships

… depend on someone else.

Healthy relationships depend on oneself.

Do you NEED someone in your life? Do you NEED someone to be or do something for you? Do you NEED someone to make you feel a certain way in order to feel good about yourself, to feel safe or to feel desirable? If so, recognize that need is need, it is NEVER love. Don’t confuse the two.

Needing someone else makes you emotionally needy. Relying on yourself makes you emotionally strong. Emotionally needy people tend to find each other and the dance of codependency begins.

When you are emotionally needy, you are prone to “needing to be in a relationship;” not necessarily the right relationship for you, just any relationship.

When you are emotionally strong, your preferrence is to be alone rather than in the wrong relationship.

An emotionally strong person prefers to tend to their own garden and water their own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring them flowers. An emotionally needy person prefers to be in anyone else’s garden even if they are allergic to the flowers.

Happiness is only found in your own garden – the garden you create with your likes, dislikes, and experiences growing different flowers.  Don’t need someone else’s garden to make you happy, cultivate your own. Let it grow lush and be a representative example of the beauty you have to offer to the world. Then share your garden with someone who understands your style of gardening and appreciates all your hard work.

Don’t keep yourself attached to someone who doesn’t understand your garden. It will slowly poison your soul until your garden withers and dies. Codependent relationships keeps us trapped in a garden we do not belong in. Be strong enough to stand alone and build your own garden. And in time, you will attract someone who complements your style of gardening and together you’ll grow your garden with mutual goals, understanding and respect. Life is too short to keep yourself trapped in a garden where you’re being suffocated by the vines. Find the garden where your flowers will thrive best and plant the seeds for the rest of your life.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

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Second Guessing Yourself

…runs you in circles.

It keeps you in a self-imposed loop of doubt. When in reality, you knew the right answer all along.

Listen to yourself. Your FIRST impression is ALWAYS the right one. It comes from your intuition – your heart, your inner knowing, you inner feeling – without bias, without overthinking it.

Your 2nd impression comes from the mind. It intervenes and tries to interject an element of FEAR or CONTROL into the situation to give it substantiation, negation or rationalization.

Don’t make yourself crazy. If it feels right, IT IS RIGHT. If it doesn’t feel right somehow, it will never change for you. Your intuition always knows what is right, the trick is getting your mind to shut up long enough for you to hear it.

Second guessing yourself runs you in circles. Going back is NEVER the answer. Going back will never change the outcome for you; it will just keep you stuck in a cycle of self-doubt.

Honor yourself. Learn to trust in the wisdom of your soul. Don’t go back. Recognize that if it didn’t feel right initially, it isn’t right and it will not all of a sudden become right for you. Don’t waste your time second guessing yourself, give yourself that time to open up to what is truly right for you and call it forth into your life. The sooner you can move beyond your self-imposed hole of self-doubt, the sooner you can move forward with your life.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

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You Get To Where You Want To Be

… by being right where you are.

How else could you get there?

We’re not always where we want to be in our lives – that’s a given. But how can we get there? It’s very simple – by first acknowledging that where you are is NO LONGER WORKING FOR YOU.  It’s about taking that first step and acknowledging the need for change – that step will change EVERYTHING for you because it unlocks the energy of change.

You do not have to have all the answers in life. You have only to decide that where you are is no longer working and that you need to make a change. When you make that decision, the universe will conspire with you to help bring you the changes you need and deserve.

Life is a series of steps designed to get you to where you need to be. You will never be able to define your “end game” up front; so don’t even try. That’s not how it works. Your life is a step-by-step process of exploring yourself to find out. You only need to be open to the exploration.

Remember you do NOT have to know where you are going – you just need to plan your NEXT MOVE and then there will be another move right after that, and then another one, and then another, and so on… Before you know it, you will be deposited exactly where you need to be and by when you needed to be there.

But how do you know what that first step is? You don’t. And furthermore, it doesn’t matter what it is as long as you take one step away from what isn’t working. The answer is always in your heart, not your head. Listen to your intuition – if you know you are unhappy, then take a step away from your situation. And if there is something you desire or have been dreaming about, then take one step towards it. This way you will unlock the energy in the direction of the change you want to create; then opportunities and people will present themselves on queue.

Staying stuck somewhere you do not want to be keeps you locked there. Acknowledging where you are and making that first step away from it all opens all the doors. Life is about choices. What choice will you make next?

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook.

 

 

 

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