When People Can’t Hear You

… stop talking.

You can have the best of intentions and give the best advice but if someone is not in a place to hear it, they will NOT hear it.

Everyone has their own insecurities and their own sensitivities which bias the way they receive information.

For example, they might be sensitive to the content itself — to your tone — or to your delivery. This is because everyone has their own lens from which they filter data — their perception becomes their reality and it is heightened when that perception is shaped by their insecurities. 

If someone is too sensitive to hear your constructive guidance, stop giving it. Stop trying to make your words relevant to them. Let them process the data in their own way and let go of the outcome.

When people can’t hear you, their filters are defensively rejecting your feedback. When they take your guidance “the wrong way,” they may be in the process of defending their ego. Step away.

There are always 2-sides to every story. All you can do is own your intentions; you cannot change others’ filter. If you truly feel you were helping someone with integrity and if that someone feels judged or attacked by your attempts to help them; they are not in a place to hear your guidance. Stop talking.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook. 

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Read Full Post »

Negotiating With Crazy

… makes you JUST as crazy.

Yet we try to do it anyway.

In life, your only responsibility is to express yourself to others and to do so kindly, constructively and compassionately. Then your work is DONE. You owe nothing else.

Your work is never to make the other person understand you. In fact, they may NEVER understand you. They may never be able to understand you. But that is about them, NOT YOU.

People always come to the table with their own bag of tricks – their own fears, struggles and hidden pains that generally create protective barriers around them. In other words, people shut down to hearing what might very well cause them pain or confusion or burst their bubble of “reality.”

But here’s the deal… those walls are theirs and it is not your job to try and tear them down so that they can hear you. Your job is only to express your truth in the kindest fashion possible and then LET IT GO. Don’t need them to agree with you. And certainly don’t argue with them either. Instead give them space to hear and digest what you have said. They will come around in their own time and if they don’t, they might not be the right people to have in your life at that moment.

It is also important to remember that people who are hurting naturally come across as “illogical and irrational” in their speech, but again, you cannot change that for them. You can only offer your truth with kindness, compassion and understanding. And realize at that point that your work is done. Bless them and walk away.

Trying to negotiate with crazy will make you just as crazy. Recognize that it’s NEVER your job to convince someone of your feelings and intentions. It is only your job to express them with kindness and let others find their way with them. When they are ready, they will hear you and in the interim, invest in others who are more open to who you are and what you have to say. After all, life is too short to feel like you are talking to a wall. Don’t make yourself crazy, put your energy into talking with someone whom you can actually have a 2-way dialogue with.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter.

Read Full Post »

Silence is The Greatest Teacher

… because words can get in the way.

Sometimes we use too many words. Sometimes we use the wrong words. Sometimes we use words as a weapon. Sometimes we use words to control/manipulate.

In any relationship, communication is key. But have you ever hit a wall with someone when they’re just not hearing you?

Words are a necessary evil and when used wisely, they can heal and inspire any situation, but when your words are not being received well, they can create more harm than good.

In life, your work is to express yourself kindly, constructively and compassionately and then WALK AWAY – step back and give space and silence to absorb. Know that you have nothing else to prove.

Defending yourself voraciously doesn’t get you heard.

Trying to convince others that you’re right doesn’t get you heard.

Arguing your point over and over again doesn’t get you heard.

At some point, people just shut down and can no longer hear. When you’ve reached that point, it’s best to pull back your energy and give space and silence for others to process what you have said.

Through that silence people are better able to find their own way with it. No one is saying not to communicate and express yourself, but when words are not working, the strongest statement you can make is NO statement. Silence tells them how you are feeling, where are you standing on an issue, and how tolerant and understanding you will be moving forward.

Silence is the greatest teacher. If you want someone to hear you, stop talking. Your silence will tell them everything they need to know.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here. 

Read Full Post »

Growing Together, Growing Apart

… which do you prefer?

It’s human nature to continue to grow throughout your lifetime.

And when we are in a relationship with someone, we have a choice, we can either grow with them or we can grow apart from them, but we will continue to grow regardless. It is the way the universe works.

The question remains, how do you want to grow in your relationship?

The hope is that the relationship you choose supports your growth and the direction you want to move into in your life. But that isn’t always the case. Sometimes we choose partners for other reasons only to find out after a period of time that we no longer have anything in common and our desires/passions have waned.

That doesn’t mean that someone has to be exactly like you but it does mean that they have to be able to push you/challenge you in new ways to grow and expand your mind. Mutual respect and admiration will keep the two of you learning about each other and interested in each other’s journey. If you are on different paths and you are NOT interested in each other’s journey, nor is there any shared journey, it will NEVER last. Clearly you are growing apart.

Having said that, growing together isn’t necessarily easy. Don’t look for the easy way out. Easy is just that, EASY. It doesn’t mean better. And easy will more often than not turn into boring very quickly.

A better relationship is generally a bit more challenging. A better relationship should inspire you but at the same time should challenge you to pick it up a bit. It keeps you on your toes and keeps you growing and evolving. This dynamism will never tire and never get boring.

In any relationship it is important to know who you are. Know what’s important to you and pick relationships that can support and nurture you on that journey.

Don’t kid yourself – you will grow regardless so it’s best to be conscious of the tide you are riding before you find yourself in a place you didn’t mean to get to. Do you want to grow together or grow apart? The choice is always yours. Choose wisely.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here. 

 

 

 

 

Read Full Post »

Speak Up

… or no one will EVER hear you.

Our words are extremely powerful, yet we do not know how to use them. Generally speaking, we stuff them down and don’t say what we really want to say for fear of what others will think of us.

Your work is to be able to be honest with yourself and then honestly communicate yourself to others. You don’t win any points in life by holding back and not speaking your mind. When you hold back, you become a pawn in someone else’s play. And you are not here to live out someone else’s drama.

You are here to live YOUR PLAY, no one else’s. No one loses but you when you choose to NOT express yourself adequately. Now that does not mean to unleash fury onto people but it does expect that you speak your mind kindly, constructively and compassionately. When you can do that, you have done all you can to ensure a positive outcome in your own play.

The words we use can either make or break us. But the words we DON’T USE, never have the chance to help us.

Aren’t you tired of censoring yourself? Your feelings are important and your expression of your emotions leads to your evolution, so start talking. Your world cannot change around you if you are not communicating with others. After all, people are not mind readers and it is not their job to try and guess how you are feeling. It is your job to express yourself kindly, constructively and compassionately (without censorship) – then your work is done. You only get one life (this time around), don’t waste it holding your tongue. Things don’t get better by holding your tongue; they get better through clear, kind and constructive communication.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Read Full Post »

Ask and You Will Receive

…don’t ask, and you will surely never get.

Translation… we do NOT get what we do NOT ask for.  It is as simple as that.

So often we make concessions for others’ bad behavior. Maybe we do not want to rock the boat with a boss or employee? Maybe we are too afraid to speak our minds with our significant other or friend? You only get what you need by putting it out there. In my experience, people are not mind-readers. If their behavior is not yielding the results you require to be in a given partnership, then you have a responsibility to yourself to ask for what it is you need.

Many of us tend to not speak up for fear of being rejected. We prefer to put other people’s happiness and comfort levels ahead of our own. It seems a safer bet than to rock the boat and risk potential consequences. But if you take a back seat to other’s happiness, you will never be in the driver seat of your own life, and will always be at the mercy of other people’s mood swings and outbursts. If you value yourself and your happiness and wellbeing, you will always put your needs front and center. After all, it is only when you give the oxygen mask to yourself that you have enough to give to those you love.

Getting what you want in life starts with loving yourself and knowing you deserve better than what you are currently receiving. If you do not speak out, not only do you lose by not receiving what you deeply desire and deserve but your partner loses a valuable opportunity to grow in relationship to you. Learning and evolving works both ways. When we deprive ourselves of what we need, generally we deprive others of the opportunity to truly know us and learn to give us what we actually need. It is a lose-lose for both parties.

When you choose you, everyone wins. Put your needs first, ask for what you deserve, do not accept less and watch the scales re-balance. We do not get what we do not ask for. What are you holding out for?

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

 

Read Full Post »