Relationships Are About RELATING To Others

… NOT just to yourself.

Sounds obvious, but it’s not.

Relationships are a 2-way street. They require that 2 people relate to each other, deeply connect to each other, communicate with each other and share their lives with each other. 

If you are not doing this, you are NOT in a relationship. After all, you can’t just BE in a relationship, you have to RELATE to someone in a relationship. That’s how they work.

Relating isn’t just physical, it is emotional and mental as well. Relating is the magic ingredient that turns strangers into friends, roommates into lovers and lovers into committed partners. Relating is what keeps couples growing and evolving together, learning new things about each other and keeping their relationship fresh and exciting.

Where there is NO relating, there is NO relationship. If you are not relating to someone you are involved with, you are just co-existing together and that makes for a very lonely existence. Talking to your partner shouldn’t feel like talking to a wall. Being with your partner shouldn’t make you feel more lonely. If your presence in someone’s life isn’t adding value, why are you there? Without the deeper process of relating and developing a real connection, 2 people are just 2 people in a room, ghosts passing in the night, and after awhile those 2 people will no longer have a reason to be together. Don’t let your relationship get to that point. No one wants to sit across from their lover in silence because they’ve lost their connection to each other or worse – never had one.

Take the time to relate to another person. Get to know them deeply and take an active interest in them – engage them – get to know what’s important to them – share in their experiences and in turn, EQUALLY SHARE YOUR LIFE with them. Let them into your world and find ways to weave your lives together and from there grow your connection everyday. For if you don’t, you will forever remain just 2 people in a room.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

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Healthy Relationships

… require healthy people.

How “healthy” are you?

Are you happy, successful and stable within yourself?

Can you be alone and still be happy?

Do you need something from someone else to feel contented and secure?

Ask yourself these crucial questions and be honest with yourself. Healthy relationships with others only happen when we have a healthy relationship with ourselves first.

It’s no one’s job to make you happy. It’s yours.

It’s no one’s job to provide emotional security for you. It’s yours.

It’s no one’s job to help you feel confident in your skin. It’s yours.

It’s no one’s job to make you feel beautiful. It’s yours.

It’s no one’s job to solve your problems. It’s yours.

It’s no one’s job to help you feel safe in a relationship. It’s yours.

If you are relying on another person to be any of these things for you, you are “needing from them” NOT “loving them.” Need is need. It is NEVER love.

But once you have a good handle on all the above within YOURSELF, you are able to truly share yourself with another human being in a healthy loving relationship. But all too often we get into relationships where we expect that another person will somehow “make it better” for us. That they will somehow be the “magic bullet” we are missing in our lives. And that they will somehow bring a quality to our lives that we do not already have for ourselves. This is NEVER the case. And then we become disillusioned and discouraged that that person has somehow failed us – but in reality, it was never their job to be that something for us. It was our job all along.

Healthy relationships require healthy people to make them work. Do the work on yourself and learn how to be healthy and happy within yourself, by yourself. Then you will have all the tools necessary to maintain a truly healthy relationship.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here. 

 

 

 

 

 

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Growing Together, Growing Apart

… which do you prefer?

It’s human nature to continue to grow throughout your lifetime.

And when we are in a relationship with someone, we have a choice, we can either grow with them or we can grow apart from them, but we will continue to grow regardless. It is the way the universe works.

The question remains, how do you want to grow in your relationship?

The hope is that the relationship you choose supports your growth and the direction you want to move into in your life. But that isn’t always the case. Sometimes we choose partners for other reasons only to find out after a period of time that we no longer have anything in common and our desires/passions have waned.

That doesn’t mean that someone has to be exactly like you but it does mean that they have to be able to push you/challenge you in new ways to grow and expand your mind. Mutual respect and admiration will keep the two of you learning about each other and interested in each other’s journey. If you are on different paths and you are NOT interested in each other’s journey, nor is there any shared journey, it will NEVER last. Clearly you are growing apart.

Having said that, growing together isn’t necessarily easy. Don’t look for the easy way out. Easy is just that, EASY. It doesn’t mean better. And easy will more often than not turn into boring very quickly.

A better relationship is generally a bit more challenging. A better relationship should inspire you but at the same time should challenge you to pick it up a bit. It keeps you on your toes and keeps you growing and evolving. This dynamism will never tire and never get boring.

In any relationship it is important to know who you are. Know what’s important to you and pick relationships that can support and nurture you on that journey.

Don’t kid yourself – you will grow regardless so it’s best to be conscious of the tide you are riding before you find yourself in a place you didn’t mean to get to. Do you want to grow together or grow apart? The choice is always yours. Choose wisely.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here. 

 

 

 

 

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Giving and Receiving

… must be in equal measure.

ALWAYS.

The name of the game is “boundaries.” Giving is a beautiful thing but if you GIVE TOO MUCH, there will always be an expectation for that level of giving. And if you are giving too much without giving to yourself, you will be depleting your own resources. So who wins here? Is it the one who plays the martyr and gives everything away and loses themselves in the process? No. In fact no one wins.

Any relationship is about balance – that goes for love relationships, parent-child relationships, working relationships, etc. Giving and receiving must be in equal measure. If you are giving to yourself while receiving from others, you are in beautiful place to give to others. But as soon as the balance of power shifts and everything is given to the other, then you are left with nothing and feel consequently exhausted, depleted, depressed, resentful and angry. But who set it up that way? No one took anything from you that wasn’t on offer. 

If you are unhappy with what you are receiving from others, STOP GIVING. Define your boundaries and express yourself. People respect people who respect themselves. People walk on doormats because they are put out for just that purpose. If you need more from someone, giving more to them will NOT get you there. Time to pull it back and put that energy into yourself. When you give to you, you have more to give to others. And when you give to you, others will recognize and respect that they need to give to you in order to continue to receive what they need from you. This is the essence of a healthy, balanced relationship.

No sense in being angry with your situation. You are where you are because you’ve allowed it. Giving and receiving must be in equal measure, if it’s not, it’s time to make another decision.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here. 

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If You Are In It, Be In It

… otherwise get OUT of it.

There’s NO in between. This is especially true of our romantic relationships. If you are in one, BE IN IT and make it work, otherwise get out of it and move on.

Complaining about your relationship will not make it better.

Staying and cheating does not make it better.

Wishing you were with someone else will not make it better.

Trying to change that person will not make it better.

The only thing that will make it better is a genuine commitment to healing by BOTH parties. There are 2 people in the relationship and BOTH have to commit to working on it.

If both parties are NOT willing, there isn’t any hope. Time to leave.

Don’t kid yourself. Don’t hold on and hope things will change. Change ONLY happens when both parties work together. Where is your relationship? Can the other person be as committed as you are to healing? If not, you may have to look elsewhere.

Having history together does not make a relationship work. Having a genuine interest in securing a happy tomorrow will. It is always your choice. But if you choose to be in it, BE IN IT and get that person to work with you. Don’t accept no for an answer. If you find the answer is still no, time to make a gracious exit. Don’t let the memories keep you stuck. Your life is ahead of you and if that person cannot/will not work WITH YOU, don’t even look back. Run towards a happier tomorrow.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here. 

 

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Drawing the Line

… makes sure it never gets crossed.

Relationships are about boundaries. When relating to others it is critical that you are extremely clear about your boundaries and what behavior you will accept and what behavior you will NOT accept.

Often times we get upset with others’ behavior. We feel slighted by their words or their actions. Unfortunately it is too easy to turn a blind eye and hope the other person is having an off-day. Either that or we react the opposite way and we unconsciously explode into a fit of victimizing anger. Neither action yields the desired result.

Communication upfront is the only way to ensure that your needs will be met. Don’t expect others to know what “good and fair” behavior is for you. Don’t give them the opportunity to decide that. It is your work to decide what you will and will not accept from others.

Once you are clear with your boundaries, you will be met with much BETTER outcomes. When people are clear with their boundaries, other people respect them more. They respect them for respecting themselves. In other words, you get much better behavior when you establish the expectation upfront.

There will always be people who push your boundaries and try to cross the line.  If you haven’t set up the line beforehand, it will always make it harder to distinguish later. Also if you haven’t designated the line at all, how can others know when they have crossed it? Be clear with your boundaries. Learn to speak up for yourself. Learn to defend your integrity and let no one cross that line.

You get what you accept. If you do not want to accept it, do not allow it. You cannot control other’s behavior, but you can control what you will and will not accept from them. Avoidance does not solve the issue nor does arguing. Communicating yourself upfront – kindly, constructively and compassionately will go so far to supporting the type of interactions you will receive in your life. Love yourself. Respect yourself and draw the line. If the line is there, others will most certainly think twice about crossing it.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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It’s Complicated

… but it shouldn’t be.

Relationships aren’t complicated, we complicate them. If I had a dime for every client who told me that their relationship was “complicated,” I would be a billionaire. Why so complicated? Well for starters, we always stay for the wrong reasons…

How do you know if a relationship is really right for you? You first need to be brutally honest with yourself and in doing so, you will be honest with your partner. Honesty is simple, but we hide from it. We don’t always want the answers that it yields.

If you are telling yourself you are in a “complicated relationship,” you need to answer these two honest questions about your relationship:

1. Are you getting what YOU truly need/want?
2. Are you giving your partner what THEY truly need/want?

Be honest with yourself, it is not just about what you are getting/receiving but what you are giving to your partner that is just as important. Relationships work both ways. If you definitively answer NO to either one or both questions, then all bets off. The relationship you are in, is not working for either of you (at the moment). It is important to realize that you can love someone but still not be right for them and vice-versa. It only becomes complicated when we choose to stay and force our expectations on them.

Don’t try and change people, don’t resent them for not being what you need them to be. Let people be who they are and if who they are doesn’t work for you, then love them enough to let them go.  Let them find the person that is best for them.

Staying for the wrong reasons never yields you the outcome you desire. It only frustrates the situation. Know yourself, know your heart, know your dreams and know your partner, then you can make the most mature decision for both of you.

Sometimes you need to lose to win. Don’t strangle-hold your relationship until it becomes what you want. You only end up killing it. If you give it a little space and allow each partner to heal, you may just find that you get either a better version of that relationship after it heals or you get a better relationship with someone else. Either way, you win by losing what did not work.

All relationships require some degree of work, but at the end of the day, a relationship either works or it doesn’t… but it should never-ever be “complicated.”

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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Ask and You Will Receive

…don’t ask, and you will surely never get.

Translation… we do NOT get what we do NOT ask for.  It is as simple as that.

So often we make concessions for others’ bad behavior. Maybe we do not want to rock the boat with a boss or employee? Maybe we are too afraid to speak our minds with our significant other or friend? You only get what you need by putting it out there. In my experience, people are not mind-readers. If their behavior is not yielding the results you require to be in a given partnership, then you have a responsibility to yourself to ask for what it is you need.

Many of us tend to not speak up for fear of being rejected. We prefer to put other people’s happiness and comfort levels ahead of our own. It seems a safer bet than to rock the boat and risk potential consequences. But if you take a back seat to other’s happiness, you will never be in the driver seat of your own life, and will always be at the mercy of other people’s mood swings and outbursts. If you value yourself and your happiness and wellbeing, you will always put your needs front and center. After all, it is only when you give the oxygen mask to yourself that you have enough to give to those you love.

Getting what you want in life starts with loving yourself and knowing you deserve better than what you are currently receiving. If you do not speak out, not only do you lose by not receiving what you deeply desire and deserve but your partner loses a valuable opportunity to grow in relationship to you. Learning and evolving works both ways. When we deprive ourselves of what we need, generally we deprive others of the opportunity to truly know us and learn to give us what we actually need. It is a lose-lose for both parties.

When you choose you, everyone wins. Put your needs first, ask for what you deserve, do not accept less and watch the scales re-balance. We do not get what we do not ask for. What are you holding out for?

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

 

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