Being Emotionally Needy

… needs from others.

Being emotionally independent needs ONLY from oneself.

If you continually need someone to do/say something in order for you to feel validated and secure, then you’re emotionally needy. Needing others in order to feel fulfilled within yourself is a losing strategy.

Others are NOT YOU. Others come and go into your life and their opinions are subjective. So to base your identity on the whim of outside opinion denies you of your ability to define yourself. If your own validation is contingent on someone/something outside of you, then it’s NOT YOURS.

When you need someone to do/say something to make you feel better about yourself, you’re GIVING YOUR POWER OVER TO THEM. When you give your power over to others to dictate how you feel, you lose your yourself.

Needing something outside of you tells you that YOU DO NOT HAVE IT.

Needing someone outside of you tells you that YOU ARE NOT IT.

No one has something that you do not already have. You have all you need inside yourself. Remember, no one has control over your life unless you give it to them. Once you give your control over to others, your happiness and identity is in their hands and your emotions are at their mercy.

Your power is yours. Your only consistency is within yourself. Don’t be emotionally needy. Take back control over your life and learn how to be emotionally independent within yourself. No more needing, it’s your life, you do not need anyone else to help you define any of it. Now, it’s just time to live it.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

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Giving To Those Who Cannot Give Back

… leaves you feeling drained and depleted.

We call them “energy vampires” – they take and take and never learn to give back in equal measure.

Some of us make the mistake of giving and giving – physically, mentally and emotionally to others and thinking that it will somehow come back to us? But it doesn’t always work that way. Givers are givers and takers tend to be takers. That doesn’t make them bad; it just makes them different from you. Not everyone is capable of giving to the same extent that you might be.

Some people are just naturally capable of GIVING MORE to others and some people are naturally accustomed to RECEIVING IT. Ask yourself how you show up in your relationships and then realize who you are and what level of giving you require in a harmonious relationship and DON’T ACCEPT LESS.

People will always take what is on offer so STOP GIVING if it is depleting you. It doesn’t win you any prizes. It isn’t necessary to continually support an energy vampire if they do not know how to support you in return. You never want to prioritize someone who makes you an option.

Even the sweetest, most kind-hearted and sensitive beings can be energy vampires if they do not know how to show up for you the way you need them to. Again, that doesn’t make them bad, it just makes them NOT RIGHT FOR YOU. Look for someone “in your league” – someone who deeply cares for you and for your wellbeing and someone WHO KNOWS HOW TO SHOW YOU THAT by SHOWING UP FOR YOU. In other words, look for someone who matches your level of giving. If it is “all about them,” they are most likely not at your level.

There’s no reason to be resentful. Don’t hold it against someone for not giving to you; most of them are simply incapable of doing so. A better question to be asking is – “why you have been giving someone so many chances to disappoint you?” It isn’t about someone NOT GIVING BACK TO YOU in as much as it’s about WHY YOU ARE CONTINUALLY GIVING TO SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T GIVE THE SAME IN RETURN.

People don’t change. Zebras don’t change their stripes because yours are prettier. It’s not enough enticement. Stop giving to those who cannot give back to you and start GIVING THEM UP. Give back to yourself the energy you put into them and before you know it, you will attract a much higher level soul who will be able to give back to you in equal measure. It’s all in the giving that we receive.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

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Putting Up Walls

… keeps you alone.

It doesn’t keep you safe.

When we are fearful, we put up walls. We put up walls to protect ourselves from being hurt – from being judged – from being misunderstood – from being “found out,” etc… Our walls are personas that we create for ourselves and we hide behind them. Sometimes we stay behind them for so long that we forget who we really are behind those walls.

We put walls in place to “protect” ourselves but ironically it does the opposite – it distances us from real connections with others. But in life, you only know who you are in relationship to another human being, so if you are hiding behind a wall, you are not helping yourself to grow and evolve.

Walls keeps us “walled off” from being who we really are because the wall demands that our focus is on the facade, not any deeper. When you define yourself by your wall, it can give you an appearance of not being real, lacking depth or appearing fake and superficial, an “empty shell,” etc…

If you want to be in a real relationship, you have to take your wall down and invite someone into your castle. Taking your wall down demands that you can be vulnerable, genuine and REAL with yourself. Why is it important to be all that? Because the pain of being vulnerable is NOTHING compared to the pain of losing yourself to a wall.

Walls don’t protect you, they keep you locked in a prison of your own creation. Let your guard down and let the walls come down, let the sunshine in. Nobody loves a wall, but they can love the beautiful being inside the wall. If you want to be in a real relationship, let someone into your castle, take down your wall so you can have a true connection. When others see you for who you really are, not the wall you have put up, you become REAL.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

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Giving and Receiving

… must be in equal measure.

ALWAYS.

The name of the game is “boundaries.” Giving is a beautiful thing but if you GIVE TOO MUCH, there will always be an expectation for that level of giving. And if you are giving too much without giving to yourself, you will be depleting your own resources. So who wins here? Is it the one who plays the martyr and gives everything away and loses themselves in the process? No. In fact no one wins.

Any relationship is about balance – that goes for love relationships, parent-child relationships, working relationships, etc. Giving and receiving must be in equal measure. If you are giving to yourself while receiving from others, you are in beautiful place to give to others. But as soon as the balance of power shifts and everything is given to the other, then you are left with nothing and feel consequently exhausted, depleted, depressed, resentful and angry. But who set it up that way? No one took anything from you that wasn’t on offer. 

If you are unhappy with what you are receiving from others, STOP GIVING. Define your boundaries and express yourself. People respect people who respect themselves. People walk on doormats because they are put out for just that purpose. If you need more from someone, giving more to them will NOT get you there. Time to pull it back and put that energy into yourself. When you give to you, you have more to give to others. And when you give to you, others will recognize and respect that they need to give to you in order to continue to receive what they need from you. This is the essence of a healthy, balanced relationship.

No sense in being angry with your situation. You are where you are because you’ve allowed it. Giving and receiving must be in equal measure, if it’s not, it’s time to make another decision.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

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Lose What Doesn’t Work

… to make room for what will.

We have a tendency to hold onto things and situations in our lives that do NOT work. It is almost as if we think that by holding tighter to what isn’t working that it will all of a sudden somehow become what we need? But this never happens.

In life we need space to create what we want/need and when that space is filled up with what isn’t working, it takes up valuable real estate and tells the universe that we do NOT want better.

You have to free yourself of what is not working so you can fill the space with what will work. Trying to force something to work NEVER makes it work. Taking a step back and giving the situation the space to breathe will allow the energies to re-align and bring about the highest outcome for all involved.

Sometimes in life you have to lose to win. Riding a broken bike will never win you the bikathon, but retiring the bike to the bike shoppe for a period of time will guarantee that you are ready to get back behind the starting line of the next one.

Life is too short to hold onto what doesn’t work for you. Let it go and love yourself enough to ask for better. Losing is the great arbiter of justice. By losing it all, you have half a chance of finding what will work better for you. Losing is definitely the winning strategy. Be happy to lose!

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

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Lemmings Follow

… they NEVER lead.

We spend a good portion of our lives giving away our power to others. We don’t always make up our own minds, we allow them to be swayed by other’s viewpoints. Sometimes it’s much easier to adopt a given school of thought then it is to apply your own intelligence to a situation. But every time you do that, you disempower yourself and lose a part of your identity.

Your work in this life is to live YOUR life. No one else’s. But if you are waiting to see what everyone else is doing or saying then you are not leading your life. You are leading someone else’s.

You are an individual and you were never meant to recede into the background as just part of the crowd, you were ALWAYS meant to stand out. Why are you hiding behind other’s approvals or judgments?

The beauty is in being YOU. Not in being part of a group. Step aside from the group and shine your light. Your uniqueness is what makes you who you are. Why would you ever hide from that?

When you live your own life and make your own choices and decide NOT to follow the crowd, your life soars in amazing ways. The universe is waiting to see whether you are ready to take responsibility for your life and truly own it or if you prefer to sit it out in the passenger seat. The rewards only come by being YOU, not by sitting it out and watching the world go by.

Leaders make a difference in the world. Followers are just along for the ride. Which one do you want to be?

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

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Giving Away Your Power

… renders you powerless.

Yet we all do it.

When you give your power over to another human being to judge you, you weaken yourself. We spend too much time caring too much what other people think about us. “Do they think I am intelligent? Do they think I am good at my job? Do they think I am a good match for him/her? Do they respect the work I do? and so forth.

It doesn’t matter what other people think about you; it only matters what YOU think. 

Every time you worry about others’ opinions about you, you give your energy over to them to fret over their opinions. That exchange of energy only leaves you depleted, depressed and defeated. Time to pull it back. Take back your power and override your fears of others’ judgments. When you take back your energy, you empower yourself to put that energy back into yourself and your work. The results will speak for themselves.

When we give our power over to others, we become powerless ourselves. No more giving your power over to others to feel badly about yourself. Time to stop undermining who you are and start owning your own power. Focus not on how other’s view you, but on what YOU have to contribute to the world. Your opinions are the only ones that matter. When you put your energy back into YOU, your world shines and everyone sees you as the star you always were.

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When You Love Yourself

… you WIN.

When you give to YOU, you have so much more to give to others – your light shines.

When you continually put others and their needs in front of yours, you suffer – it puts out your light.

Believe it or not, your only responsibility in life is to yourself. That is not to say that you become selfish. But it is to say that your goal in life should be to prioritize your needs and NOT push them to the back burner for anyone.

Our goal in life is to become healthy, happy and well-adjusted. This only happens by honoring ourselves and our boundaries with others. When you are good to YOU, your vibration raises, you feel fulfilled, contented, supported and inspired to live the best life you can. It is from that space that we can create happiness and success while also inspiring others make positive change in their lives.

But when we overextend ourselves and give everything away to others, (aka becoming the “martyr”) we take ourselves down. When you give yourself away, you lose YOU. Simple concept that we have yet to embrace.

No one told you that you are responsible for saving the world. You want to do good in the world? Start by saving yourself FIRST. Draw real boundaries between you and negative people who drag you down, take time out for yourself, treat yourself to anything that makes you happy. Honor YOU, and watch your life flourish. Like attracts like. When you are happy, your vibration raises and you continue to attract high vibrational people and situations into your life.

But when you are busy exploiting yourself for others, your vibration drops and you continue to attract lower vibrational situations and people.

How do you want to live? Learn to love yourself and make the most out of YOUR life. No one is responsible for your happiness but you, so make it a priority. 

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

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Accepting Crumbs

… will never get you the full loaf of bread.

Accepting less than you deserve will only succeed in drawing less than satisfying situations into your life over and over again. In other words, if you make it a habit of accepting crumbs from lovers, bosses, family members or friends, then crumbs is what you will get. End of story.

When you exhibit a level of contentedness with those crumbs, you set a precedent and define a boundary of “being ok with getting less than you deserve”. This sends out the signal that you do not need or require more to be happy. You can no longer blame your significant other or boss, etc… for them not treating you better. In essence you have told them it is not necessary to give you more. Don’t sit around and wait and hope for someone to give you what you want. It will never happen. Decide that you will not spend one more hour wanting for what you need, be direct and tell them exactly what you want. If you do, you have half a chance of actually getting it.

One thing is for sure, if there is something that you need or want in life, articulate it and do not accept those crumbs. Crumbs never satisfy your hunger. They leave you frustrated, obsessive and hungry for more. After awhile of only getting crumbs, you begin to get resentful and angry. But whose fault is it? You do not get what you do not ask for.

Throw out those crumbs and demand a full loaf of bread, if not the entire bakery. We cannot sustain ourselves on crumbs alone. There is a whole bakery out there with your name on it. Stop the hunger and start satiating yourself with what you truly deserve.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

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Life is Not a Popularity Contest

… it doesn’t matter who likes you, it only matters that YOU like you.

In life, you are not always going to be everyone’s cup of tea, and that HAS to be alright. Nor should you want to be everyone’s cup of tea. We are not in high school anymore, your value and self-worth should not be judged by what other people think of you. It should come from within. The only judgment we should be concerned with in life is the judgment we place on ourselves.

We tend to look outside of ourselves for validation within. We compare ourselves to others – what they are doing with their careers, how they are living, how successful they are, their relationships, etc… Your life will never be yours if you are forever looking to others for inspiration.

Here’s the deal… Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to understand you. Not everyone is going to “get you.” It’s just the way it is. Feel great about yourself anyway because who you are is ALWAYS good enough. In fact, it is better than good. It is perfect.

When you can learn to love the person that you are separate from those around you, that is when your life will really take off. Channel all that energy – thinking about all those people and what they are doing “better than you” and how you are measuring up and put that energy into your goals, your passions and really start to feed your soul from the inside-out. You will start to see that you will emanate a glow that will make others want to be near you. Popularity is an inside job. Do the work inside, and the world around you will be magnetically drawn to you. 

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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