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Archive for the ‘Changing People’ Category

… will only disappoint you.

We all have our own baseline expectations of how people should behave in given situations BUT expecting people to uphold those expectations is both unrealistic and unfair to everyone.

It’s ok to have high standards for personal decorum, but it’s not ok to put those standards on others.

Putting those standards on others sets them up to fail and sets you up to be disappointed. Let people be who they are and IF WHO THEY ARE DOESN’T WORK FOR YOU – MAKE ANOTHER DECISION, but don’t waste one moment hoping/expecting they’ll show up differently.

Expecting people to be other than who they are is a game you’ll NEVER win. It only sets you up for disappointment when they don’t come through. Recognize that you can’t fix people and you can’t change them, but you can learn to accept them for who they are and LET THEM OFF THE HOOK for everything they cannot be for you. 

People are messy and they come with their own limitations. Don’t get caught up in those limitations – they’ll only frustrate you. Remember that it isn’t your job to hold up a mirror to their lack of self-awareness. If they cannot see themselves, there isn’t anyway you’re going to be able to show them who they are.

Learn to know the cards you are holding – learn to know the person who is sitting right across from you and NEVER EXPECT THEM TO BE OTHER THAN WHO THEY ARE and you’ll never be disappointed.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook. 

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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… where else would you go?

We all have our personal issues and they always seem to show up through the dance of relationship.

We are very quick to identify other people’s issues, but not as quick to identify our own.

When a breakdown in relationship occurs, there’s a natural tendency to blame and point fingers. But that’s the easy way out. In reality, it takes 2 to tango; issues are seldom one-sided. Learn to own what’s yours and give the rest back. 

You can jump out of a relationship when problems occur, but they’ll just follow you onto the next relationship because wherever you go, you take yourself with you. You pack up all your issues, sling them over your shoulder and bring them forward into the next relationship.

Our bags are pretty full and they’re weighing us down. Wouldn’t it be easier to unpack them, go through them and separate the dirty laundry from the clean? It’s more discreet and constructive to store our baggage in our new partner’s guest closet than it is to explode our dirty laundry all over their front foyer.

Do your work. Own what’s yours and give the rest back. No one is responsible for healing you. You can run from your problems, but you can’t run from yourself. It’ll just be a matter of time before you get caught.

Wherever you go, you take yourself with you. Life can be a long and exhaustive journey. Better to travel light and learn to check your emotions. 

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook. 

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

 

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… is that it’s always changing.

If you’re unhappy with where you are, stick around — it’ll flip soon enough.

Nothing ever stays the same for very long and that’s a good thing. Change is inherent in our universe. What goes up, must come down.

Just like the coin has 2 sides, heads and tails, life has it’s ups and downs. Neither experience is better or worse, they’re just different and provide different learning. And ultimatelyboth sides need to be experienced equally.

Don’t get caught up bemoaning the tails. It’s a waste of your energy. It only keeps you attracting more tails in your life. Remember that for every tail experienced, you get “a-head”, literally.

There’s no good or bad in life, there are only different sides of the coin. Tails are the more challenging experiences that bring you amazing growth. Heads are the rewards for having gotten there. One naturally feels better, the other makes you better. But neither is better than the other.

You want both sides of the coin. They enrich you — they expand you — they push you to your limits — then reward you for your efforts. The flip side of life is that things are always changing and the coin is always flipping. Don’t get caught out lamenting the tails, without them, there would be no heads.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook. 

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

 

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… you’re NOT ready to leave it.

Obviously there’s something there for you that has yet to be uncovered.

If you’re trying to move forward, but can’t, it’s important to recognize that you’re being held back for a reason. There’s something in the place where you currently stand that requires your attention — there’s a learning there for you — there’s a lesson there that needs to be integrated before you can move onto the next stage.

The process of being held back is quite purposeful because your path builds onto itself and each stage of life entails prerequisite learning. Therefore, if you haven’t internalized a lesson at a given stage, you’ll be prevented from moving onto the next stage.

What are you not seeing? What are you not looking at? It’s usually something that you’ve shoved away in a closet with resolve never to open. Rest assured that your life will not let you move forward until you open it and do the work on moving past it. 

If you’re stuck in the same place, you’re not ready to leave it. You may WANT to leave it, but you lack the learning necessary to move forward. The universe will always protect you from moving onto a stage until you have the tools to deal with it. Don’t spend your time being frustrated, spend it cleaning out your closets. Skeletons don’t go away, they’ll only haunt you until you pull them out of your closet — then they are just a pile of bones.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook. 

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

 

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… it’s about how you choose to REACT to it.

Your reactions are what make it REAL for you. In essence, nothing can be real until you react to its presence in your life.

Reacting is a just a way of solidifying a situation. Think about it… a situation is just a situation, how you react to that situation will determine your next experience. This is because your reaction sets into motion a set of circumstances that generate a given outcome. So if you react positively, you get a positive outcome. If you react negatively, you get a negative outcome. If you don’t react at all, the outcome is undetermined; it’s awaiting your response.

Think before you react. Your personal reaction will set off a chain reaction of events in your life. Ask yourself how you want a situation to play out and then act accordingly, not unconsciously.

A conscious action has a better chance of yielding a desired outcome. An unconscious reaction will almost guarantee an unfulfilled outcome.   

Life isn’t about what happens to you. It’s only about your reaction to it. Because your reaction is what makes it real for you. Next time something happens, how will you react?

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.
Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook.

 

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is about controlling your thoughts, NOT your actions.

Those of us who want to feel in control usually default to controlling our actions in the hopes of controlling an outcome. But there’s a better way to get the outcome you desire…

Start at the beginning — learn to control your thoughts FIRST because your thoughts create your perceptions and your perceptions create your reality.

Nothing will manifest through action if it’s not supported by a thought that’s aligned with it. In other words, if you think one thing but try and use action to create something else, it’ll never work. For example, have you ever tried to succeed in a business venture, yet didn’t believe in yourself that you could succeed? That’s a perfect example.

If your action doesn’t support what you think about it, it’ll never happen. There’s no amount of action that will overcome your thought about the situation. It doesn’t matter what you do, what matters is what you think about it.

Don’t fight yourself — if you want to control something, control something that’ll make a difference in your life. Don’t waste your time trying to control something physically through your actions and yet undue yourself mentally through your thoughts.

Do you want to be in control of your life? Learn to control the right things. Control your thoughts and it’ll control everything else.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook.

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… will definitely drive you insane.

How could it not?

What we don’t realize is that if we want something to be different, we have to do something differently — otherwise nothing changes.

There are no coincidences in life. If something is showing up again, it is a pattern that needs to be worked through, NOT repeated; so the universe obliges and gives you yet another opportunity to work through the same pattern in a DIFFERENT way.

How will you respond this time is the question?

Coming to the SAME conclusions and engaging in the SAME behaviors will keep you stuck in the SAME cycle of learning.

Break the pattern and chains that bind you. Identify the pattern that is showing up and show up differently in response to it. If you don’t like the outcomes you’ve been receiving, show up differently, take different actions and watch your outcomes naturally differ.

Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is truly the definition of insanity. Learn to accept responsibility for you life. Learn to recognize your patterns and stop them in their tracks. Patterns are meant to be worked through, NEVER repeated. When you are ready to stop driving yourself crazy, a new life is ready to begin for you. What are you waiting for?

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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