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Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

… it’s how quickly you can catch yourself.

We all fall. The cycle of life has many ups and downs. After all, what goes up must come down. Falling down isn’t the issue — learning to land more gracefully is.

How do you weather your falls? Do you crash and burn? Or do you catch yourself so you do not go down in flames? We innately understand how to catch ourselves when we trip over a curb, but we somehow get tripped up over our falls in life.

Falling isn’t the issue, it’s what we do once we fall that determines where we will end up. Are you adept at catching yourself and making it look like a seamless step or do you allow that stumble to bring you to your knees in tears for everyone to see.

Falling doesn’t have to mean falling apart. It can also mean falling into something new. Don’t buy into the drama of the fall, pretend that it was an intentional measure to showcase your strength and fortitude. What doesn’t kill you will always make you stronger as long as you manage to get up off the floor and keep moving.

Don’t get tripped up over the fall. Learn how to make a dance out of it. Be easy with yourself. Be light. And the next time you fall, it will not take you out; it will only make you laugh.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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… keeps you both in darkness.

Why not learn to throw down a ladder instead?

There is a difference between trying to help someone and losing yourself in the process.

You can’t change people. You can’t fix people. You can’t drag people to a better version of themselves. They have to want to meet you there or they will never get there.

You can’t do the work for people. Giving them all the answers doesn’t help them to learn how to crawl out of the hole themselves. What happens the next time they fall in again?

Show them there is a better way to live. Throw them down a ladder and encourage them to climb out themselves. Lead by example. Stay out in the sunshine and entice them out of their darkness. But stay away from the edge, you might just fall in. If you try to do their work for them, you’ll both end up in the hole and then you won’t be of any use to them.

If you really want to help people, teach them how to work their way back up to the light. Give them the tools to help them climb out on their own and welcome them out into the sunshine. It’s a win-win for both of you.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook.

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… doesn’t MAKE it work.

It just exhausts you.

There is only so much you can do to make a situation or a relationship work. At some point you have to be willing to walk away from it if it is not meeting your needs. In other words, you have to learn WHEN to walk away from what is NOT working, so you can free up the space to find what will.

You can’t repeatedly look at what’s not working and resent it for not being different.

It’s not others’ fault for not meeting your needs, it’s your fault for allowing them to continually disappoint you.

Don’t look to change others. Look to change yourself. If you are not getting your needs met, look somewhere else. Don’t make someone responsible for your happiness, take charge of it yourself.

Holding on to what doesn’t work, doesn’t make it work. It just breaks you down and takes your power away from you. Love yourself enough to ask for better and you just might get it.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook.

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… keeps you from being REAL.

Superficiality keeps you on the surface of your life. It prevents you from going deeper emotionally. It keeps you from establishing deeper connections in your relationships with others and subsequently with yourself.

Being superficial is a way of guarding yourself against intimacy, vulnerability and emotional pain. After all, if you never go deeply, how deeply can you get hurt?

Superficial relationships are easy — they require nothing more than pleasantries and social graces. But superficial relationships are never fulfilling; they don’t feed and nurture the soul. They leave you feeling vacant and empty. They are never deep enough to penetrate the heart, so they never evolve you. They are just predicated on ego interests (conditional love, physical attraction, sex, money, status, education, career, labels, etc…).

Real relationships transform you — they change you, they force you to grow, they breathe life into you and make you real. They require emotional depth and vulnerability. They force you to go deeper into yourself and unlock your demons. Ultimately they break your heart open so you can hold more love. They make you better. But to get there you have to first penetrate the realm of the heart (unconditional love, selflessness, acceptance, non-judgment, openness, vulnerability, etc…).

Superficial relationships are easy, but anything just handed to you is NEVER worth having. Real relationships are more challenging, they push you outside your comfort zone, they force you to face those demons and go deeper into yourself and your relations with others.

Superficiality isn’t just about being fake or shallow, it’s about guarding yourself from pain and hurt. Are you ready to do the work to be in a real relationship or are you contented to accept what’s on the surface? When you are ready to go deeper, you will unearth the real treasures that await you.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook.

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… loves WITHOUT conditions.

Anything else is conditional love which is predicated on meeting specific conditions…

Are they educated? check.

Are they the right age? check.

Are they the right body weight? check.

Do they make enough money? check.

Do they have the right social standing? check.

Will they make me look good in public? check.

But what if they didn’t tick these boxes? What then? What if you loved them anyway? Now there’s a dilemma.

But here’s what you need to know…

Conditional love is superficial. Unconditional love is eternal.

Conditional love falls apart when the conditions cease to exist. Unconditional love is free to grow because it’s not predicated on a condition.

Conditional love is choked by it’s own expectations. Unconditional love doesn’t have expectations, but remains open and hopeful.

Conditional love is about “ticking all the boxes.” Unconditional love abandons all requirements.

Conditional love looks to have all its needs met. Unconditional love looks to meet all needs.

Conditional love is selfish, self-centered and unilateral. Unconditional love is selfless and giving.

Conditional love is emotionally immature. Unconditional love is built on maturity and wisdom.

Conditional love is rigid and doesn’t like to take risks. Unconditional love is flexible and lives outside its comfort zone.

Conditional love suffocates under self-imposed rules. Unconditional love is freeing and knows no boundaries.

Conditional love is what you think you want. Unconditional love is what you never knew you wanted.

Unconditional love sneaks up on you — it shows up through a back door while you are at the front door waiting for something else.

Unconditional love is what was standing in front of you all along while you were busy ticking all your boxes and evaluating all your options.

Unconditional love is usually “the one that got away” while you were busy searching out the perfect conditions for it.

Unconditional love loves unconditionally. Anything else just doesn’t cut it. Ask yourself — how do you love?

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook.

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… walk away with love.

ALWAYS with love.

Our lives consist of many different types of relationships, but not every one of those relationships is meant to be in your life forever. And even those that are, seldom make it there, unfortunately.

Not everyone will understand you and support who you are. Not everyone will appreciate you and not take you for granted. Not everyone will make time for you. Not everyone will be able to communicate with you. Not everyone will recognize the beauty in your relationship until it’s too late. And certainly not everyone will recognize what they have lost until they have truly lost it. That’s generally how it works.

And some people NEVER learn but remain comfortable in their patterns — forever blaming their patterns for why they cannot move forward. And forever repeating those patterns in hopes that one day they find the “magic person” who can fix it for them. But that never works.

Relationships aren’t important for where they bring you to, they are only important for how they have changed you.

If people you are involved with cannot see the value of what you bring to the table, then they do not get to have you.

But love them anyway.

Love them because they taught you so much about yourself. Love them because they helped shape your heart and open your mind. Love them because they unveiled your hidden pain and your fears so you could work on them. Love them because they taught you what you do and DO NOT want to experience in a relationship. Love them because it is that love that will transform you. And finally love them, because if you don’t, you will just carry the scars of that hurt forward into your next relationship. And you deserve better than that.

When people can’t appreciate what they have in you, don’t fight them, quietly disappear from their lives, and take that love with you. When you leave with love, you leave with all the learning that made you BETTER. You are the one who wins. Let that love transform you on your path forward and happily open you up to a new tomorrow.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

 

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… makes things harder then they need to be.

No one is saying don’t work hard, but there is a tipping point where trying too hard and pushing against resistance creates more problems.

How do you know when “working hard” becomes “trying too hard”?

When it ceases to be enjoyable.

When you feel like your efforts are going nowhere.

When you find you are hitting your head on the same wall over and over again and it is still not yielding.

When the frustration and stagnation of the current stasis has sufficiently depleted you.

If something is not coming together, there is usually a reason why – and that reason is always valid. Resistance on your path is very purposeful. It keeps you from progressing further in a given direction. Recognize that the resistance is there to help you, not hurt you. Pushing against the resistance makes things harder then they need to be. By pushing your agenda forward, you are complicating your life.

Don’t make your life harder then it needs to be. Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. And in time you’ll realize that you never really wanted it.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook.

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