Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Communication’ Category

… it’s a bully move to get someone to carry your pain.

Everyone carries a certain degree of pain, but not everyone is conscious of that burden. For some, guilt is their weapon of choice. When people are unable to fully process their pain and feel as if they are drowning in it, they may wield a portion of it in the form of guilt. And when you accept that guilt, you carry a bit of that pain for them. 

The problem with guilt is that it invites enabling. These behaviors work hand-in-hand. If you accept someone’s “guilt trip,” you give them power over you to bully you into carrying some of that pain. By doing so, you lighten their burden in the short term, but have succeeded in creating a deeper burden for them in the long term.

Pain never leaves you until you work through it. No one can do it for you.

Don’t think you are helping someone by being guilted into something. Guilt is a power play, it’s a bully move to get someone to carry your pain. The real hero is in penetrating the pain and transforming it into something much more beneficial. When you recognize that guilt is deconstructive — and you vow never to take it on — the person in pain will finally be free to heal.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook. 

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

… but if you’re patient, it’ll work out even better.

Patience is the name of the game. Life is a delicate balance of effort and surrender and when we push against what isn’t working, we only create more resistance for ourselves. 

The ability to observe what is and not get caught up into wanting it to be different is the gift of wisdom. We may not be able to change what is happening to us in this moment, but we can absolutely change our reactions to what is happening and that reaction is what will create our next experience.

Life is a series of moments. What happens when things don’t work out the way you want them to? Do you spend your time and energy rallying around the injustice of it all or do you put your energy into moving forward so you can create a better experience in your next moment?

Life doesn’t always work out the way you want it to but if you accept that “it is the way it is,” you give yourself the ability to create change in the next moment. You are never going to change what happened, but if you surrender to it, accept it and recognize that you prefer to have a better experience next time, you will be on your way to creating it for yourself.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook. 

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

 

Read Full Post »

… who can’t see an issue in their behavior.

Not everyone is conscious. Not everyone has the ability to see how their actions affect others. If you have to tell someone over and over again that they’re hurting you, they are unable to process your pain, most likely because they haven’t processed their own. 

In order for them to honor your feelings, they first have to look at themselves in the mirror and accept responsibility for how they’ve made you feel. But for many, that reflection can be very painful and bring up other past failures. No one wants to feel responsible for hurting someone else and no one wants to feel like a failure; it’s much easier to just shut down and become defensive — “let me prove to you that I don’t need to change, you do.”

If someone is truly evolved, they know they are not responsible for how you feel, BUT they will always have a degree of empathy for your feelings and will always be able to honor them in whatever way they can. 

If they can’t hear your pain, you’ll never be able to get them to honor it. If you’re trying to communicate your feelings and they’re being defensive, walk away, sometimes silence can be the greatest teacher. If your words aren’t enough to help them hear you, then stop talking and give them the time and space to hear what you have already said.

You can’t change people who can’t see an issue in their behavior. You can’t get anyone to stop hurting you until they come face to face with their own pain. If they cannot change themselves, how are you ever going to change them? Life is too short to try and teach unconscious people how to honor your feelings. Walk away and in time the universe will deliver you someone who can honor your heart.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook. 

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

 

Read Full Post »

… you have a responsibility to BE BETTER.

It’s just the way it works.

When dealing with those who don’t know better, it’s your job to lead by example and show them a better way. 

It doesn’t matter who is right or wrong. Being on a path of personal growth means accepting responsibility for your actions and never holding others accountable for your own shortcomings, especially those who don’t know better.

Don’t waste your time fighting with others who don’t know better. Don’t hold them to the same standard you hold yourself, not everyone is capable of it.

Fighting with someone who doesn’t have the tools to be better doesn’t bring them there. It just brings you down. If they can’t get there on their own, guide them by your example. When you know better, your behavior can be the catalyst for great change.

Bite the bullet, be the bigger person. Two wrongs never make a right so don’t stoop to their level. If they don’t know better, it’s your job to be better. Learn to lead by example or get out of their way.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook. 

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

 

 

Read Full Post »

… it only matters what you do with it.

How you react is what determines your next experience. 

A situation is just that — a situation. It has absolutely no bearing over your life unless you give it. Once you react to a situation, you make it real for you. Once you react, you become part of the game — you’re in it and now it has to be played out.

It doesn’t matter how bad the situation is, if you don’t engage it, it can never affect you. It literally has no control over you unless you allow it in.

Your power is in your reaction. How you react will determine what happens next. Any good game needs two players. Your move will always determine how things shake out for you. In life, it’s never what happens to you, it’s what you do with it that makes all the difference in the world. What will your next move be?

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook. 

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Read Full Post »

… it’s about accepting the choice you’ve already made.

Our life’s path is made up of choices and there are no mistakes when it comes to making choices, because there are no right or wrong choices, there are only different choices.

Don’t get caught up in the choice you’ve made – make it and move on. It never matters what choice you’ve made. All that matters is that you make the choice, accept the ramifications of the choice and most importantly, elect to choose again if the choice you made was unsatisfactory. You can’t change the past, but you’re constantly influencing your future with every choice you make.

Woulda, shoulda, coulda, but you didn’t, so move on. It’s never about making the right choice, it’s only ever about accepting the choice you’ve made and then recognizing that you are always free to choose again. You’re not meant to suffer and die by your choices, you’re meant to continually thrive and live through new ones.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook. 

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

 

 

Read Full Post »

… requires a mid-course correction.

A mid-life crisis can happen at any age, but the wisdom here is that the secret to healing it, is in the way we define it.

Life naturally has its ups and downs, and life is constantly asking you to define who you are in relationship to it. You’re never in a crisis, you’re only ever at a crossroads. You’re always being given a chance to PIVOT yourself away from what is not working and towards something that will.

Don’t fall into the drama of the crisis. Recognize that it reflects a crossroads for you. You get to evaluate your position and choose your next step. You are never stuck and you are never a victim of your circumstances. If you are unhappy where you are, make a move. Recognize that you’re always in control of your life; your life is NEVER in control of you.

You’re not having a midlife crisis, you just need to make a midcourse correction. Crossroads are always there to give you the opportunity to trade up. Are you ready for something new? The universe is waiting to give it to you.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook. 

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »