Don’t Expect More from People

… then they are capable of giving.

You just set yourself up for disappointment.

Learn to be realistic. Not everyone is like you. Everyone reacts differently to situations.

When you expect that people will be the way you want them to be, or they way you think people “should be,” you rob them of their individual expression and set yourself up for unrealistic expectations of the situation.

Life goes much more smoothly when you learn to recognize who it is you are playing with and not expect them to show up differently. When you see people for who they really are, you can more accurately predict their behavior and more suitably come up with an appropriate response. But when you expect that they will behave in a more “logical” or anticipated way, you undermine your own ability to address the situation accordingly.

People are who they are. And that is nothing that you have to change, you only have to know it and learn to adapt your expectations to it. If you want better relationships with people, don’t kid yourself about who you are dealing with, be honest and learn to communicate with people in a way they can hear you, not in a way you think they should hear you.

Let people be who they are and learn how to expect just that from them. Don’t expect more than they’re capable of giving and you will find that you will no longer be disappointed by their behaviors, but will have learned to constructively work around them.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here. 

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Giving and Receiving

… must be in equal measure.

ALWAYS.

The name of the game is “boundaries.” Giving is a beautiful thing but if you GIVE TOO MUCH, there will always be an expectation for that level of giving. And if you are giving too much without giving to yourself, you will be depleting your own resources. So who wins here? Is it the one who plays the martyr and gives everything away and loses themselves in the process? No. In fact no one wins.

Any relationship is about balance – that goes for love relationships, parent-child relationships, working relationships, etc. Giving and receiving must be in equal measure. If you are giving to yourself while receiving from others, you are in beautiful place to give to others. But as soon as the balance of power shifts and everything is given to the other, then you are left with nothing and feel consequently exhausted, depleted, depressed, resentful and angry. But who set it up that way? No one took anything from you that wasn’t on offer. 

If you are unhappy with what you are receiving from others, STOP GIVING. Define your boundaries and express yourself. People respect people who respect themselves. People walk on doormats because they are put out for just that purpose. If you need more from someone, giving more to them will NOT get you there. Time to pull it back and put that energy into yourself. When you give to you, you have more to give to others. And when you give to you, others will recognize and respect that they need to give to you in order to continue to receive what they need from you. This is the essence of a healthy, balanced relationship.

No sense in being angry with your situation. You are where you are because you’ve allowed it. Giving and receiving must be in equal measure, if it’s not, it’s time to make another decision.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here. 

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When People Are Never Happy With You

…  they are unhappy with themselves.

We always want to be accepted and respected and sometimes we come up against people who it seems are never happy with anyone or anything. You know the type – the boss who you can never please; the partner who always wants you to be better; the friend who is always competing with you. Where does this come from?

It comes from an overall lack of contentedness in oneself. After all, how can you be happy with anyone if you are not happy with yourself first? This is where it begins.

If someone is feeling great about themselves, e.g. they have been losing weight, new hair cut, new job, new relationship, they are usually on top of the world and that helps them to relate better to other people. But when someone is feeling down and unhappy with their weight, sluggish, feeling not good enough at their job and with their performance in a relationship, then they find it extremely difficult to connect with others and see the beauty in others. But whose fault is that?

We tend to take on other’s unhappiness with themselves and make it about us. In those instances, it is NEVER about you. Remember you cannot control others and their opinions of you or themselves. That is not the name of the game. The name of the game is to BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF and feel good enough in your skin so that other people’s comments and opinions simply roll off you. They should never stick to you unless you want them to.

The next time you are feeling that someone is not treating you kindly and isn’t happy with you, send them love and realize that it is not you that they are unhappy with, it is themselves. For if they were truly happy with themselves, they would be able to communicate with you in a much more fair, kind and motivating fashion. If they are being unkind, unfair or mean, it is most likely about them. Never make other’s unhappiness with themselves about you. It is your happiness with yourself that is the key to setting you free. Are you happy with yourself?

 

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

 

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The Art of Giving

… begins with giving to YOURSELF.

This time of year we are busy running around trying to “buy love.” We are conditioned to purchase material things for people in order to show them how much we love them. The irony here is that true love begins with loving YOU. Most people overlook that small detail, they deplete themselves by giving too much to others – they sell out their skills, their support and their hearts in hopes to gain something – acceptance to a group, love of partner, promotion at work, etc..  When you sell yourself out, you deplete your resources and thus have next to nothing to give to anyone else. Buying expensive trinkets for another will never restore the love you are deeply longing for. You are the one who needs to give that love to yourself. If you give to yourself, you will have enough love, strength, patience, calm, tolerance, etc.. to give to another being.

When you do not have that level of self-love, you suffer on other levels. Self-worth and self-esteem are close siblings of self-love. When you allow others to cross your boundaries and subsequently play the victim, you are not loving yourself. You are loving someone more than you. Giving too much of yourself is a quick path to destruction. Playing the martyr never wins you what you are actually seeking. Loving another being with your whole heart is beautiful, but you should always be able to say, you love yourself MORE.

This holiday season, remember nothing of any real value can be bought at the mall. Put down the ribbons and gift boxes long enough to look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if you are giving enough to YOU. If the answer is no, you may want to shift your priorities. Make your happiness your own personal gift for 2012. Happy Holidays, everyone. 🙂

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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