You Can’t Change People

… who can’t see an issue in their behavior.

Not everyone is conscious. Not everyone has the ability to see how their actions affect others. If you have to tell someone over and over again that they’re hurting you, they are unable to process your pain, most likely because they haven’t processed their own. 

In order for them to honor your feelings, they first have to look at themselves in the mirror and accept responsibility for how they’ve made you feel. But for many, that reflection can be very painful and bring up other past failures. No one wants to feel responsible for hurting someone else and no one wants to feel like a failure; it’s much easier to just shut down and become defensive — “let me prove to you that I don’t need to change, you do.”

If someone is truly evolved, they know they are not responsible for how you feel, BUT they will always have a degree of empathy for your feelings and will always be able to honor them in whatever way they can. 

If they can’t hear your pain, you’ll never be able to get them to honor it. If you’re trying to communicate your feelings and they’re being defensive, walk away, sometimes silence can be the greatest teacher. If your words aren’t enough to help them hear you, then stop talking and give them the time and space to hear what you have already said.

You can’t change people who can’t see an issue in their behavior. You can’t get anyone to stop hurting you until they come face to face with their own pain. If they cannot change themselves, how are you ever going to change them? Life is too short to try and teach unconscious people how to honor your feelings. Walk away and in time the universe will deliver you someone who can honor your heart.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

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If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

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Accepting Where You Are in Life

… can bring you somewhere new.

Fighting against it, will keep you stuck in it.

Resistance gets you nowhere. What you resists, persists — what you look at disappears. If you’re trying to run from something, it’ll forever have a hold over you. If you can accept it, you can move beyond it. 

Fighting against something keeps it alive in your experience, but accepting it can free up mental/emotional space to help you set your sights elsewhere to create something new. Once you accept the reality, you are free to transform it. 

Don’t spend your time fighting against what you don’t want. Accept that you are where you are in your life (for whatever reason got you there) and now make some new decisions to move into a new direction that better suits you.

Don’t lament where you are in your life. Experience brought you there and acceptance will free you — resistance keeps you trapped. Fighting with your demons keeps you embroiled in a battle with them. Make friends with those demons so that they step aside and let you move on with your life.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook. 

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

 

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Being Emotionally Needy

… needs from others.

Being emotionally independent needs ONLY from oneself.

If you continually need someone to do/say something in order for you to feel validated and secure, then you’re emotionally needy. Needing others in order to feel fulfilled within yourself is a losing strategy.

Others are NOT YOU. Others come and go into your life and their opinions are subjective. So to base your identity on the whim of outside opinion denies you of your ability to define yourself. If your own validation is contingent on someone/something outside of you, then it’s NOT YOURS.

When you need someone to do/say something to make you feel better about yourself, you’re GIVING YOUR POWER OVER TO THEM. When you give your power over to others to dictate how you feel, you lose your yourself.

Needing something outside of you tells you that YOU DO NOT HAVE IT.

Needing someone outside of you tells you that YOU ARE NOT IT.

No one has something that you do not already have. You have all you need inside yourself. Remember, no one has control over your life unless you give it to them. Once you give your control over to others, your happiness and identity is in their hands and your emotions are at their mercy.

Your power is yours. Your only consistency is within yourself. Don’t be emotionally needy. Take back control over your life and learn how to be emotionally independent within yourself. No more needing, it’s your life, you do not need anyone else to help you define any of it. Now, it’s just time to live it.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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Being Alone Isn’t Being Lonely

… unless you make it that way.

These are two completely different concepts. Do you know the difference?

Being alone assumes one loves themselves and fully enjoys and appreciates themselves. They are comfortable in their skin, emotionally well-adjusted and although they enjoy the company of others, they are quite contented to be alone and find just as much happiness and fulfillment in their aloneness.

Being lonely is when you are not comfortable within yourself, when your own company isn’t quite enough to soothe or entertain you. It is when you require someone or something outside of you to make you happy because you cannot find that happiness within yourself. It is when you default to any type of distraction (drugs, alcohol, food, tv, sleep, etc…) to keep you from feeling your own pain and loneliness because the solitude of being on your own is simply too painful to bear.

Running from yourself will always keep you lonely. Embracing yourself will always keep you fulfilled. Regardless of the image staring back at you in the mirror, learn to love it, learn to appreciate it and learn to honor it every day. Self love is your best and only real companion.

Do you want to be alone or continually feel lonely? The choice is yours. But nothing changes until you learn to love your own company, if you don’t, how can you ever ask someone else to?

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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Giving To Those Who Cannot Give Back

… leaves you feeling drained and depleted.

We call them “energy vampires” – they take and take and never learn to give back in equal measure.

Some of us make the mistake of giving and giving – physically, mentally and emotionally to others and thinking that it will somehow come back to us? But it doesn’t always work that way. Givers are givers and takers tend to be takers. That doesn’t make them bad; it just makes them different from you. Not everyone is capable of giving to the same extent that you might be.

Some people are just naturally capable of GIVING MORE to others and some people are naturally accustomed to RECEIVING IT. Ask yourself how you show up in your relationships and then realize who you are and what level of giving you require in a harmonious relationship and DON’T ACCEPT LESS.

People will always take what is on offer so STOP GIVING if it is depleting you. It doesn’t win you any prizes. It isn’t necessary to continually support an energy vampire if they do not know how to support you in return. You never want to prioritize someone who makes you an option.

Even the sweetest, most kind-hearted and sensitive beings can be energy vampires if they do not know how to show up for you the way you need them to. Again, that doesn’t make them bad, it just makes them NOT RIGHT FOR YOU. Look for someone “in your league” – someone who deeply cares for you and for your wellbeing and someone WHO KNOWS HOW TO SHOW YOU THAT by SHOWING UP FOR YOU. In other words, look for someone who matches your level of giving. If it is “all about them,” they are most likely not at your level.

There’s no reason to be resentful. Don’t hold it against someone for not giving to you; most of them are simply incapable of doing so. A better question to be asking is – “why you have been giving someone so many chances to disappoint you?” It isn’t about someone NOT GIVING BACK TO YOU in as much as it’s about WHY YOU ARE CONTINUALLY GIVING TO SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T GIVE THE SAME IN RETURN.

People don’t change. Zebras don’t change their stripes because yours are prettier. It’s not enough enticement. Stop giving to those who cannot give back to you and start GIVING THEM UP. Give back to yourself the energy you put into them and before you know it, you will attract a much higher level soul who will be able to give back to you in equal measure. It’s all in the giving that we receive.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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Healthy Relationships

… require healthy people.

How “healthy” are you?

Are you happy, successful and stable within yourself?

Can you be alone and still be happy?

Do you need something from someone else to feel contented and secure?

Ask yourself these crucial questions and be honest with yourself. Healthy relationships with others only happen when we have a healthy relationship with ourselves first.

It’s no one’s job to make you happy. It’s yours.

It’s no one’s job to provide emotional security for you. It’s yours.

It’s no one’s job to help you feel confident in your skin. It’s yours.

It’s no one’s job to make you feel beautiful. It’s yours.

It’s no one’s job to solve your problems. It’s yours.

It’s no one’s job to help you feel safe in a relationship. It’s yours.

If you are relying on another person to be any of these things for you, you are “needing from them” NOT “loving them.” Need is need. It is NEVER love.

But once you have a good handle on all the above within YOURSELF, you are able to truly share yourself with another human being in a healthy loving relationship. But all too often we get into relationships where we expect that another person will somehow “make it better” for us. That they will somehow be the “magic bullet” we are missing in our lives. And that they will somehow bring a quality to our lives that we do not already have for ourselves. This is NEVER the case. And then we become disillusioned and discouraged that that person has somehow failed us – but in reality, it was never their job to be that something for us. It was our job all along.

Healthy relationships require healthy people to make them work. Do the work on yourself and learn how to be healthy and happy within yourself, by yourself. Then you will have all the tools necessary to maintain a truly healthy relationship.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here. 

 

 

 

 

 

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Giving and Receiving

… must be in equal measure.

ALWAYS.

The name of the game is “boundaries.” Giving is a beautiful thing but if you GIVE TOO MUCH, there will always be an expectation for that level of giving. And if you are giving too much without giving to yourself, you will be depleting your own resources. So who wins here? Is it the one who plays the martyr and gives everything away and loses themselves in the process? No. In fact no one wins.

Any relationship is about balance – that goes for love relationships, parent-child relationships, working relationships, etc. Giving and receiving must be in equal measure. If you are giving to yourself while receiving from others, you are in beautiful place to give to others. But as soon as the balance of power shifts and everything is given to the other, then you are left with nothing and feel consequently exhausted, depleted, depressed, resentful and angry. But who set it up that way? No one took anything from you that wasn’t on offer. 

If you are unhappy with what you are receiving from others, STOP GIVING. Define your boundaries and express yourself. People respect people who respect themselves. People walk on doormats because they are put out for just that purpose. If you need more from someone, giving more to them will NOT get you there. Time to pull it back and put that energy into yourself. When you give to you, you have more to give to others. And when you give to you, others will recognize and respect that they need to give to you in order to continue to receive what they need from you. This is the essence of a healthy, balanced relationship.

No sense in being angry with your situation. You are where you are because you’ve allowed it. Giving and receiving must be in equal measure, if it’s not, it’s time to make another decision.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here. 

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Need is Never Love

… it is NEED.

Only love is love.

But we confuse the two. We get into situations where we think because we love someone that we NEED them in order to feel whole. If you are needing someone to be something or do something for you to feel whole, then realize that that is never love – it is in fact only need.

Need is what we need to learn to give to ourselves. Once we take care of our own needs, then real love follows. But we have a habit of looking for love and then putting our needs on that love as if it is our love’s responsibility to fix us or save us from ourselves.

It is no one else’s responsibility to give you what you NEED. It is your responsibility to take care of your own needs and make sure you always have what you need in order to feel whole in yourself. When you can manage your needs effectively, real love has the opportunity to complement you, not complete you. When you manage your needs, you find that the love you attract is always able to give you what you need, because you have given it to yourself first.

For example, if you need someone to provide for you, learn to provide for yourself.

If you need someone to see you as successful, find success in yourself.

If you need someone to see you as beautiful, see the beauty in yourself.

Once you have honored those needs in yourself, real love will be able to provide you with so much more richness and happiness. So remember, need is need – it is never love.  Real love is the ability to give yourself what you need in order to feel whole. All you need is love – real love to be whole and it starts with yourself.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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Lose What Doesn’t Work

… to make room for what will.

We have a tendency to hold onto things and situations in our lives that do NOT work. It is almost as if we think that by holding tighter to what isn’t working that it will all of a sudden somehow become what we need? But this never happens.

In life we need space to create what we want/need and when that space is filled up with what isn’t working, it takes up valuable real estate and tells the universe that we do NOT want better.

You have to free yourself of what is not working so you can fill the space with what will work. Trying to force something to work NEVER makes it work. Taking a step back and giving the situation the space to breathe will allow the energies to re-align and bring about the highest outcome for all involved.

Sometimes in life you have to lose to win. Riding a broken bike will never win you the bikathon, but retiring the bike to the bike shoppe for a period of time will guarantee that you are ready to get back behind the starting line of the next one.

Life is too short to hold onto what doesn’t work for you. Let it go and love yourself enough to ask for better. Losing is the great arbiter of justice. By losing it all, you have half a chance of finding what will work better for you. Losing is definitely the winning strategy. Be happy to lose!

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

 

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Lemmings Follow

… they NEVER lead.

We spend a good portion of our lives giving away our power to others. We don’t always make up our own minds, we allow them to be swayed by other’s viewpoints. Sometimes it’s much easier to adopt a given school of thought then it is to apply your own intelligence to a situation. But every time you do that, you disempower yourself and lose a part of your identity.

Your work in this life is to live YOUR life. No one else’s. But if you are waiting to see what everyone else is doing or saying then you are not leading your life. You are leading someone else’s.

You are an individual and you were never meant to recede into the background as just part of the crowd, you were ALWAYS meant to stand out. Why are you hiding behind other’s approvals or judgments?

The beauty is in being YOU. Not in being part of a group. Step aside from the group and shine your light. Your uniqueness is what makes you who you are. Why would you ever hide from that?

When you live your own life and make your own choices and decide NOT to follow the crowd, your life soars in amazing ways. The universe is waiting to see whether you are ready to take responsibility for your life and truly own it or if you prefer to sit it out in the passenger seat. The rewards only come by being YOU, not by sitting it out and watching the world go by.

Leaders make a difference in the world. Followers are just along for the ride. Which one do you want to be?

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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