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Posts Tagged ‘self help’

… where else would you go?

We all have our personal issues and they always seem to show up through the dance of relationship.

We are very quick to identify other people’s issues, but not as quick to identify our own.

When a breakdown in relationship occurs, there’s a natural tendency to blame and point fingers. But that’s the easy way out. In reality, it takes 2 to tango; issues are seldom one-sided. Learn to own what’s yours and give the rest back. 

You can jump out of a relationship when problems occur, but they’ll just follow you onto the next relationship because wherever you go, you take yourself with you. You pack up all your issues, sling them over your shoulder and bring them forward into the next relationship.

Our bags are pretty full and they’re weighing us down. Wouldn’t it be easier to unpack them, go through them and separate the dirty laundry from the clean? It’s more discreet and constructive to store our baggage in our new partner’s guest closet than it is to explode our dirty laundry all over their front foyer.

Do your work. Own what’s yours and give the rest back. No one is responsible for healing you. You can run from your problems, but you can’t run from yourself. It’ll just be a matter of time before you get caught.

Wherever you go, you take yourself with you. Life can be a long and exhaustive journey. Better to travel light and learn to check your emotions. 

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook. 

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

 

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th… gets you compromised.

How could it not?

When you feel as if you have to be something or do something that is inauthentic to who you are, you are compromising yourself. If you feel you have to compromise who you are in order to fit into a given situation or a relationship, then it ISN’T THE RIGHT ONE for you.

In life, you get what you accept and if you are compromising yourself to fit into a less-than-ideal situation, then you are only hurting yourself. You are also telling the universe that you do NOT want better and that you are ok with changing yourself for this less-than-desirable outcome. Why would you do that?

The right situations for you in life require YOU TO BE YOURSELF. As soon as you realize that you are in territory where you have to compromise yourself, recognize that that is territory where you DO NOT BELONG. Staying there and trying to fit in will never make it right for you, it will just dilute your power and weaken you. When you compromise yourself for someone or something, you are not operating at peak capacity and thus will never rise to your potential.

Do you want to live the higher side of your life or do you want to undermine yourself to fit into someone else’s half-hearted vision? Compromising yourself gets you compromised. Accepting less than who you are will NEVER GIVE YOU MORE. Be yourself and walk the path of your own life. If who you are (as you are) doesn’t work for someone, then that person doesn’t work in your life. Don’t take yourself down to someone else’s level, keep moving up, the view from the atop always puts you on top of the world.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coachingclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook.

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th-4… or you CANNOT play with me.

This is the game of boundaries. If you do NOT delineate your boundaries with others, they are certain to be crossed and it will NOT be the other person’s fault.

Everyone needs to set clear boundaries for themselves in order to be happy and to have their needs met. But if you are not setting those boundaries for yourself and for the other person, how do they know where they are?

Boundaries designate the rules of the game and without them, there is relative chaos where no one knows how to optimally play the game and no one knows if they’ve crossed a line and sabotaged the game.

Do you know who you are? And do you know what you need in a relationship? Whether it be a work situation, friendship or romantic relationship, you always have to draw that line. What exactly is the line? It is your position in the relationship – it clearly defines your expectations – it is what you NEED to be fulfilled and happy and it is also what you will NOT tolerate. 

When you enter a relationship – any relationship – tell that person, “Here’s my line. If you want to dance with me, you have to meet me at the line. I will not over-cooperate and cross that line for your compliance and I will not under-cooperate and run away from the line. Because I realize that a relationship only works when both partners designate the line and know how to meet each other at it.”

If you don’t know how to designate a line, it will always be crossed and worse, if you do not know how to speak up once the line has been crossed, it will be crossed over and over again and that behavior once encouraged, is very difficult to alter.

Everyone deserves to have their needs met. Draw that line and tell others to meet you at it. If they cannot meet you at that line, they cannot play with you. They need to step off your playing field so you can find the partner who can.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coachingclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook.

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th-1… keeps you alone.

It doesn’t keep you safe.

When we are fearful, we put up walls. We put up walls to protect ourselves from being hurt – from being judged – from being misunderstood – from being “found out,” etc… Our walls are personas that we create for ourselves and we hide behind them. Sometimes we stay behind them for so long that we forget who we really are behind those walls.

We put walls in place to “protect” ourselves but ironically it does the opposite – it distances us from real connections with others. But in life, you only know who you are in relationship to another human being, so if you are hiding behind a wall, you are not helping yourself to grow and evolve.

Walls keeps us “walled off” from being who we really are because the wall demands that our focus is on the facade, not any deeper. When you define yourself by your wall, it can give you an appearance of not being real, lacking depth or appearing fake and superficial, an “empty shell,” etc…

If you want to be in a real relationship, you have to take your wall down and invite someone into your castle. Taking your wall down demands that you can be vulnerable, genuine and REAL with yourself. Why is it important to be all that? Because the pain of being vulnerable is NOTHING compared to the pain of losing yourself to a wall.

Walls don’t protect you, they keep you locked in a prison of your own creation. Let your guard down and let the walls come down, let the sunshine in. Nobody loves a wall, but they can love the beautiful being inside the wall. If you want to be in a real relationship, let someone into your castle, take down your wall so you can have a true connection. When others see you for who you really are, not the wall you have put up, you become REAL.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coachingclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here. 

 

 

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th-2… you’ll never win.

Your work is to live YOUR LIFE, no one else’s. It doesn’t matter who has what in their life, it only matters that you focus your energy on what it is you have and what you want to create.

Everything is energy and if you put your energy into obsessing over what you think everyone else has, then you will have less energy to put into your own success. Envying others dilutes your energy and renders you powerless to fulfill your dreams. In other words, comparing yourself to others is guaranteed to make sure you never get what they have.

Put your energy and thoughts back into yourself. Focus on what it is YOU want to create in your life and don’t give anymore of your energy and resources to wishing you were more like someone else or had more of something else. Keep your energy for yourself and channel it into living the life of your dreams, otherwise you will never have it.

Do you want to be happy? Stop comparing yourself to others and give yourself a chance to create the very life you seek.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coachingclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here. 

 

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Be Careful What You Wish For… you just might get it.

And do you really want it is the question?

It’s easy to “glamorize” the past and miss what you no longer have, but in reality, if you no longer have it, it is because you are done with it.

When you are in a healthy place in your life and you keep walking forward, you find that what the future brings you is MUCH better than what you left behind. But sometimes we are too focused on looking behind us and getting stuck in the negative energy of the past, so we inadvertently prevent the future from every reaching us. By doing this, we create a painful lull for ourselves which only intensifies our “glamorization of the past.” When the future does not come quick enough, we tend to look back over our shoulder and question the past.

But here’s the deal. If it is in your past, it is there for a reason. If it was meant to be in your present, it would be standing right in front of you and if it is meant to be part of your future, it will find you when it is time.

Be careful what you wish for, it is easy to go back to dysfunctional places for fear that nothing better may come. But that does not help you evolve. If you are conscious, your life is meant to improve as you walk your path forward. Just because you know and recognize what is behind you doesn’t make it right for you. And just because you cannot yet see the future doesn’t mean its NOT there for you. Always look forward, looking behind you will just run you into a tree. Be careful what you wish for… you might just get it and chances are, you really don’t want it anymore.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coachingclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here. 

 

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th-5… require healthy people.

How “healthy” are you?

Are you happy, successful and stable within yourself?

Can you be alone and still be happy?

Do you need something from someone else to feel contented and secure?

Ask yourself these crucial questions and be honest with yourself. Healthy relationships with others only happen when we have a healthy relationship with ourselves first.

It’s no one’s job to make you happy. It’s yours.

It’s no one’s job to provide emotional security for you. It’s yours.

It’s no one’s job to help you feel confident in your skin. It’s yours.

It’s no one’s job to make you feel beautiful. It’s yours.

It’s no one’s job to solve your problems. It’s yours.

It’s no one’s job to help you feel safe in a relationship. It’s yours.

If you are relying on another person to be any of these things for you, you are “needing from them” NOT “loving them.” Need is need. It is NEVER love.

But once you have a good handle on all the above within YOURSELF, you are able to truly share yourself with another human being in a healthy loving relationship. But all too often we get into relationships where we expect that another person will somehow “make it better” for us. That they will somehow be the “magic bullet” we are missing in our lives. And that they will somehow bring a quality to our lives that we do not already have for ourselves. This is NEVER the case. And then we become disillusioned and discouraged that that person has somehow failed us – but in reality, it was never their job to be that something for us. It was our job all along.

Healthy relationships require healthy people to make them work. Do the work on yourself and learn how to be healthy and happy within yourself, by yourself. Then you will have all the tools necessary to maintain a truly healthy relationship.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coachingclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here. 

 

 

 

 

 

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th-2… is a lifelong journey.

Not a destination.

Who you are takes time to unravel. It doesn’t happen overnight.

There’s nowhere you have to be. You have only to let yourself BE and let yourself walk your own path to finding your life purpose.

You are a sum of your life experiences and those experiences make you who you are and they put you on a path towards defining your purpose in life.

Do you know what you want to do with your life? Do you know what you are here to share with others? Living your life one step at a time and allowing yourself to find those answers organically is what will put you on a path towards personal success NOT forcing yourself into a certain career or job sector. Let yourself breathe and be who you are. Explore ideas and concepts that appeal to you and interest you. The seeds of your life work are always in your interests.

Also, don’t measure yourself against anyone else’s criteria. Live your life. Enjoy your experiences and keep your head up and your eyes ahead – don’t sleep walk your way through your life. Finding yourself is a divine process and one which unravels like the skin of an onion.

Don’t put a time limit on finding yourself. It is a life-long process – a true journey into the heart of your soul. You can’t just be “there,” you have to get to your heart slowly – one step at a time.  Once you find yourself you realize there was never any other place to be.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coachingclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here. 

 

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th-2… is the ONLY WAY to learn.

If it were easy, there wouldn’t be anything to learn. It would only be to enjoy.

Pain is our greatest teacher and our greatest fuel for change.

Anything worth having in life is worth the fight. Anything you can walk away from isn’t worth your time.

Struggles make us better. When there is an investment in energy and awareness, you grow. No pain, no gain. The difficult times slow us down, make us more conscious of our behavior and force us to seek out new alternatives that we may have never experienced.

In short, learning the hard way opens you up to deeper experiences that enrich the soul and challenge the mind. Learning the hard way teaches you deeper strategic tools for your growth and development. Learning the hard way gives you character. Learning the hard way makes you resourceful and better able to anticipate changes.

Learning the hard way is the only way to learn. Otherwise you are just being handed the answers. Learn to find those answers yourself and learn to uncover them through your darkest night. Once you learn things the hard way, you learn that you can do anything. 

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coachingclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here. 

 

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th-1… you have the time to see yourself.

When you are either in the past or a future space, you do not always have that luxury.

In life, we get caught up with the material world and how we are performing, where we are working, how we are dressing, who we are involved with, where we are living, etc…  Life gives us so many distractions and we unconsciously tend to focus all of our energy on these distractions. We drain ourselves over our daily mundane existence. We overestimate the importance of our to-do lists and we miss the bigger picture of why we are here and what we are meant to be learning/contributing. In other words, we get so busy trying to make a living, that we completely miss our lives. That is why transitions are so helpful. They can provide that much-needed time-out from life so you can regroup and get back on track.

When you are in transition, it is an enforced separation from your previous situation and because the new situation is not yet at hand, you have the time and space to focus on who you are and what you want out of life. Transitions are the perfect retreat and perfect opportunity for you to reflect upon your life.

Learn to be comfortable with yourself. Learn to allow yourself to fully embrace the energy of the transition. You do not need to have all the answers. You can spend the transition looking for them. What’s your rush? You will be delivered back into your mundane reality sooner than you realize. Enjoy the silence of the transition.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coachingclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here. 

 

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