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Posts Tagged ‘ego’

a healthy ego… and NOTHING to prove.

So if you have something to prove, you may want to check-in with your ego.

Healthy egos create healthy humans. But in our fast paced society of competition and status, sometimes our egos default to the power outside of us rather than highlighting the power within us.  Our egos can become misguided and singularly focused on some notion of external power. But real power has nothing to prove. It just is. If your ego is healthy, you have NO NEED to wield your power over others, you are happy to use that power in support of others’ development. But when your ego is unhealthy, it needs to use it’s power outside of itself to control and manipulate everyone around you in order to feel safe and/or important, valued and validated.

How healthy is your ego? Where is your power center? Inside or outside? When you learn that a healthy ego is inwardly directed, you realize that you have it all within yourself. If people do not see how fabulous you are, it isn’t your job to prove it to them. It is only your job to prove it to yourself. So always put that external energy back into yourself and in time, everyone will see that you are “the REAL DEAL,” not only because you have everything to offer, but because you truly have absolutely no need to prove it to anyone. A healthy ego validates itself; it never needs validation from outside.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

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If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

 

 

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road to success…. is paved with FAILURES.

It has to be. How else would you get there?

Success is an uphill battle – everyday. It’s a steep incline up a treacherous mountain that few dare to tread. It is not for everyone. It not only requires hard work, dedication and laser-sharp focus; it requires perseverance and a will to NEVER GIVE UP.

But what most people do not realize is that success also requires FAILURE – and lots of it. In short, our mistakes are what make us great – they push us to become stronger, wiser and more adaptable. They push us to learn and evolve and become keenly resourceful and supremely strategic.

The question isn’t – “are you successful?” It is “have you done the work necessary to BECOME a success.” A lot of people do not want to do the work necessary to become a success, they just want it, expect it, feel entitled to it and put out the bare minimum to get it.

To have a successful career, you have to work HARD at it everyday.

To have a successful relationship, you have to work HARD at it everyday.

To have a successful anything, you have to WORK HARD to earn that success. You do not just get it because you want it.

Nothing good ever comes easy and nothing easy is ever really worth having. Newsflash: if you are looking for anything in your life to “just be easy,” you will get easy, but you will NOT get success. They are two entirely different initiatives. But somehow we forget that. Easy is just that, EASY… it is never better and it will NEVER bring you success.

Success is not for the faint-hearted; its for the few who are extraordinary and who want the best that life has to offer. They are willing to work at it everyday and willing to fail at it everyday in order to get the greatness that they know they deserve. After all, how can you know success if you haven’t first learned to fail? How would you ever appreciate success if you didn’t have to do the work necessary to earn it? You wouldn’t.

Be extraordinary. Do the real HARD WORK to become your own success story – not only in your own life, but in your career and in your key relationships. Don’t be afraid to fail. Failures make you great. Without those failures, you are just living a life of mediocrity – the easy life. Greatness awaits you at the top of the mountain. What are you waiting for? Time to start climbing.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coachingclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here. 

 

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images… take up MORE space.

They just do. It doesn’t mean that they are better than anyone else, it’s just that they take up MORE space.

People with smaller egos need to occupy the same space as the bigger egos. Herein is the issue. Smaller ego types tend to get pushed out of the room as they have not yet learned how to hold their ground with the big ego.

Either way, smaller egos are generally two types – either extremely accomplished yet humble evolved beings OR they are individuals who do not yet believe in themselves and so they allow the big egos to push them out of the room.

Small egos can become resentful, angry and bitter towards the big egos who generally do not even realize the smaller egos are in the same room with them. The small egos feel as if they are being overlooked, marginalized and pushed out of the room. This is only so because the small ego is ALLOWING IT.

In life, both egos have to co-exist in the same room. Big egos take up more space so it is up to the small ego to learn to hold its ground. The small ego does not have to compete with the big ego, it just has allow itself to be who it is and believe in itself and STAND UP FOR ITSELF and carve out that space that it needs to do its life’s work.

Nothing comes out of allowing a big ego to push you out the door. As a small ego, you lose and the big ego has more room to puff itself up and feel good about itself. There is no competition here. It doesn’t matter how “small” you are, it matters how well you can hold your space in the presence of a big ego. You do not have to be a big ego to hold space with a big ego, you just have to hold the space YOU NEED and never allow it to be compromised. Don’t spend your time resenting a big ego, recognize that there is great strength and beauty in small packages. As long as the package is strong in itself, it will always give the big package a run for its money.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coachingclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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Stop thinking you are not ready. Stop putting off your tomorrows. Learn to redefine success.

Nobody ever thinks they are ready to embark on something new. In your mind, you will never have enough money to have your first child or move into that big new home or buy your beach house or get married or change your career. You will always tell yourself that something is first needed before you can make that move. This is your ego’s way of keeping you safe from a perceived failure. For most of us, we would prefer to never try, then to try and fail. The ego is clever, it comes fully equipped with defense mechanisms to protect it from looking foolish or “less than perfect.” This shows up as procrastination measures and procrastination ultimately marks the difference between surviving and thriving.

Adhering to the ego keeps you small and keeps you from becoming great. Most great opportunities in life force us to grow and move beyond our comfort zones. Feeling comfortable is a sign to you that you have conquered and achieved. Feeling discomfort is a sign to you that you need to persevere and challenge yourself. The choice is always yours. Life never happens to you – it happens for you. The secret is in believing in yourself.  Even if you think you do not have what it takes, you keep moving forward. Fake it ’til you make it – then it will be yours. By taking on the challenge with an air of certainty and belief in yourself, you will always earn that which you are seeking.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coachingclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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… and you will never be lead astray.

But how many of us can actually do that? Our minds are so cluttered and over-stimulated with such nonsense day in and day out that we can barely hear our intuition. We have also gotten very good at anesthetizing ourselves against our intuition through addiction: drugs, alcohol, sex, food, shopping, nicotine, etc… Addiction is a pre-occuping strategy to avoid the needs and calls of our soul. We can only sustain that pattern of behavior for so long before we break down. And we will always break down because we are going against the soul.

Our life is a delicate balance between the ego (personality) and the soul (higher self). The soul has planned this very lifetime and knows what lies ahead for us in terms of life lessons, romantic liasions, challenges, etc… The soul is constantly whispering in our ears, “go there, take that direction, try that out, explore that…” The voice in our head and the ideas that pop into our head in a seemingly random fashion are perfectly orchestrated by the soul to take us to that next level in our lives. But often times, we do not listen to it, or we are not capable of hearing it. We prefer to think that we know it all and we often times use our free will to move away from our intuitive nature.

If you want answers in your life, know that they never come from outside of you. You can ask for assistance and advice from others on your path, but nothing is a substitution for the directive of the soul. After all, your soul holds the blueprint of your life and knows exactly what you need to grow and learn, so why wouldn’t you ask it first?

We spend so much time in confusion and fear because we simply do not trust that we are the ones who have all the answers we seek. We are such an externally focused society that we have forfeited our beliefs in ourselves and continually give our power away to other people.

If you want answers in your life, go INSIDE. Get quiet for 5 minutes, sit in meditation, come to your yoga mat, pray and just LISTEN. You will always be given the answer in terms of a feeling, a knowing, an idea or even a sign from a friend or stranger, but you need to be conscious to fully recognize it – otherwise you will miss it completely. The language of the soul is very subtle and unfortunately our minds (as toxic as they have become) have the tendency to overpower our soul’s stirrings. Everything you need, you already have. Cut out the clutter and the drama of the ego and seek answers to your own questions. You will never lead yourself astray.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coachingclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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Have you ever been asked this? How do YOU answer it?

We are complex spiritual beings whom dwell in duality. We have a soul who knows who we really are and what it is we really want out of life and then we have an ego who falsely believes it knows, beyond the shadow of a doubt, who it is. The ego is generally the first to answer this question, “Oh, I am a Therapist, I went to Harvard, I graduated Sum Cum Laude, I live in Tribeca, married, two kids,  etc…” On the outside (and to the ego), it may appear that you are all these things, but they are not what defines you.

Who you really are is much, much greater. If you really want to know who you are, look beyond your labels and stereotypes and ask yourself how it is you show up in life. Look at the way you react to people and situations around you. How do you function under stress? How forgiving is your heart? How deeply are you able to love? How guarded are you in your relationships? How happy can you be without a reason in the world? Souls come here to learn and everyday we grow and evolve and mend ourselves through the paths we take with others.

Don’t kid yourself. Don’t narrowly define yourself as “successful, well-educated, financially stable, etc..” Those traits are WHAT YOU ARE (or happen to be in that moment). They are  not WHO YOU ARE. There is a big difference. In my line of work, I have watched many “successful, well educated, stable, ‘perfect on paper'” people do not so perfect things. Some of us make decisions for our soul’s happiness based on the ego’s needs. Have you ever left a job you were happy with so that you could go somewhere else and make more money? Have you ever loved someone so much but because of your deep-seated fear of commitment, you needed to cheat on them? Have you ever disparaged someone behind their back in hopes of getting ahead? These are ego-driven gestures and do not feed the soul which is who we truly are.

If you want to know who you really are, watch how you react to the people and situations around you. That will tell you everything you need to know about who you really are. That is where the work begins. If you are unhappy with the way you are showing up in life, recognize that who you are is a soul on a journey to know itself and its divinity. Ask yourself why you engage in certain behaviors and learn the lesson so you can move on.

A conscious soul grows through its many life experiences and continually evolves to become a better human being. An ego gets stuck in its dark patterns and continually repeats them over the years with similar relationships, jobs and situations.

Who would you say you were?

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coachingclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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It’s as simple as that.

But why then do we have such a hard time with this simple concept? Most of us learn to indulge the ego and the ego only sees its supremacy and as a result, it takes itself very seriously.

In life, we need NOT to be perfect, we need solely to BE who we are. When the ego steps in to assert control, it micromanages our happiness and makes even small situations seem so gravely important. When we are so busy sweating the small stuff, our ego keeps us trapped and keep us locked in a dark, heavy vibration that only succeeds in attracting more of the same to us.

When we break out of the ego’s grip and learn to lighten up and find humor in ourselves, we change our vibration and everything around us gets easier and lighter. See, we are all energy and all energy vibrates in frequency. When our frequencies are high, they attract high frequency situations such as love, happiness, peace, etc.. but when we are stuck in dark, depressing cycles, we send out heavy frequencies which attract more negativity and spiral us into a very bad place.

Life changes when we realize that we are actually the ones in control. Changing our vibrations by learning to laugh and smile more makes all the diference in the world. Life isn’t as difficult as we have made it out to be. It is really simple – we attract what we put out. Learn to laugh more, change your vibration and watch the world around you change.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coachingclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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The smartest of us tend to doubt ourselves. The least pretend to know it all.

With regard to real intelligence, that is all you need to know. What is real intelligence? In our world, it is divided between two schools of thought – intellect and wisdom. Intellect is of the ego – it is the part of ourselves that wants to impress with our education credentials and job experience, title, salary, etc… It is the part of ourselves that says, “I am smart because I have attained… I know how to…. I am the best at…” Whereas wisdom is truth. Wisdom is of the soul and it has no need to dominate another or shadow another or belittle another to make itself seem greater.

Intellect (ego) strives hard to be the smartest and brightest – it is very attached to an outcome and quite eager to earn people’s respect, gain more money, status, material wealth, etc… Wisdom (soul) is very detached to any one outcome while being kind and open and willing to share the knowledge it has attained.

Intellect applies judgment to every situation – “You didn’t know that? Doesn’t everyone know that?” Wisdom applies vulnerability – “That is so interesting, I never knew that. Thank you for sharing that with me.”

Intellect thinks it knows all the answers. Wisdom knows it doesn’t know everything.

Intellect tries to impress you with large words and complicated sentences. Wisdom breaks down difficult concepts with a smile and repeats them as often as needed.

Intellect wants to make you feel inferior. Wisdom wants you to feel loved and beautiful for all that you are.

Intellect wants to change you. Wisdom doesn’t want for anything but you to be YOU.

Intellect needs to control you. Wisdom wants to motivate and inspire you.

Intellect needs to win. Wisdom wants to guide you to the answer.

When you are dealing with complicated people or people that try and “talk over you” or undermine your abilities, step back and remind yourself what real intelligence is. Someone who is truly intelligent and comes from a place of wisdom (soul) will always make you feel part of the team. Only someone who is out for themselves (ego) will patronize you and make you feel isolated.

In life it is safe to assume that we do not have all the answers. The meaning of life is so complex and grand that only the wisest of us know that we actually do not know anything.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coachingclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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