Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Codependent relationships’

… keeps you both in darkness.

Why not learn to throw down a ladder instead?

There is a difference between trying to help someone and losing yourself in the process.

You can’t change people. You can’t fix people. You can’t drag people to a better version of themselves. They have to want to meet you there or they will never get there.

You can’t do the work for people. Giving them all the answers doesn’t help them to learn how to crawl out of the hole themselves. What happens the next time they fall in again?

Show them there is a better way to live. Throw them down a ladder and encourage them to climb out themselves. Lead by example. Stay out in the sunshine and entice them out of their darkness. But stay away from the edge, you might just fall in. If you try to do their work for them, you’ll both end up in the hole and then you won’t be of any use to them.

If you really want to help people, teach them how to work their way back up to the light. Give them the tools to help them climb out on their own and welcome them out into the sunshine. It’s a win-win for both of you.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook.

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

Codependent Relationships… depend on someone else.

Healthy relationships depend on oneself.

Do you NEED someone in your life? Do you NEED someone to be or do something for you? Do you NEED someone to make you feel a certain way in order to feel good about yourself, to feel safe or to feel desirable? If so, recognize that need is need, it is NEVER love. Don’t confuse the two.

Needing someone else makes you emotionally needy. Relying on yourself makes you emotionally strong. Emotionally needy people tend to find each other and the dance of codependency begins.

When you are emotionally needy, you are prone to “needing to be in a relationship;” not necessarily the right relationship for you, just any relationship.

When you are emotionally strong, your preferrence is to be alone rather than in the wrong relationship.

An emotionally strong person prefers to tend to their own garden and water their own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring them flowers. An emotionally needy person prefers to be in anyone else’s garden even if they are allergic to the flowers.

Happiness is only found in your own garden – the garden you create with your likes, dislikes, and experiences growing different flowers.  Don’t need someone else’s garden to make you happy, cultivate your own. Let it grow lush and be a representative example of the beauty you have to offer to the world. Then share your garden with someone who understands your style of gardening and appreciates all your hard work.

Don’t keep yourself attached to someone who doesn’t understand your garden. It will slowly poison your soul until your garden withers and dies. Codependent relationships keeps us trapped in a garden we do not belong in. Be strong enough to stand alone and build your own garden. And in time, you will attract someone who complements your style of gardening and together you’ll grow your garden with mutual goals, understanding and respect. Life is too short to keep yourself trapped in a garden where you’re being suffocated by the vines. Find the garden where your flowers will thrive best and plant the seeds for the rest of your life.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coachingclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook.

 

 

Read Full Post »