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Posts Tagged ‘breakups’

… will only disappoint you.

We all have our own baseline expectations of how people should behave in given situations BUT expecting people to uphold those expectations is both unrealistic and unfair to everyone.

It’s ok to have high standards for personal decorum, but it’s not ok to put those standards on others.

Putting those standards on others sets them up to fail and sets you up to be disappointed. Let people be who they are and IF WHO THEY ARE DOESN’T WORK FOR YOU – MAKE ANOTHER DECISION, but don’t waste one moment hoping/expecting they’ll show up differently.

Expecting people to be other than who they are is a game you’ll NEVER win. It only sets you up for disappointment when they don’t come through. Recognize that you can’t fix people and you can’t change them, but you can learn to accept them for who they are and LET THEM OFF THE HOOK for everything they cannot be for you. 

People are messy and they come with their own limitations. Don’t get caught up in those limitations – they’ll only frustrate you. Remember that it isn’t your job to hold up a mirror to their lack of self-awareness. If they cannot see themselves, there isn’t anyway you’re going to be able to show them who they are.

Learn to know the cards you are holding – learn to know the person who is sitting right across from you and NEVER EXPECT THEM TO BE OTHER THAN WHO THEY ARE and you’ll never be disappointed.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook. 

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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… they NEVER stay the same.

Why do we think that making a commitment means forever? Our universe is in a constant state of flux — everything changes, nothing remains static.

We, ourselves are continuously growing and changing and our commitments must reflect that evolution if they’re to remain relevant and supportive of our needs. 

Commitments should be fluid — they should never drown you. They should ebb and flow and morph with you. Anything that confines you suppresses your creativity; anything that moves with you gives you new life.

You’re never stuck in a commitment. If it’s a healthy commitment, it knows how to evolve with you.

So go ahead, make a commitment — any commitment, it doesn’t matter which commitment you make because in reality, you can never make a mistake. Commitments evolve and commitments bring you deeper into your experience. They help you to know better what is right/wrong for you. So pick a direction and commit to it. And if a commitment is no longer serving you and no longer evolving with your needs, re-think it. That’s life. No one commitment can serve you forever.

Your life is a foundation of commitments — in order to get somewhere, you have to start some place, so commit to it. For your life path to evolve, you have to first get onto one. Make that commitment, go deeper into your experience and the rest of your life will naturally unfold.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook. 

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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… doesn’t MAKE it work.

It just exhausts you.

There is only so much you can do to make a situation or a relationship work. At some point you have to be willing to walk away from it if it is not meeting your needs. In other words, you have to learn WHEN to walk away from what is NOT working, so you can free up the space to find what will.

You can’t repeatedly look at what’s not working and resent it for not being different.

It’s not others’ fault for not meeting your needs, it’s your fault for allowing them to continually disappoint you.

Don’t look to change others. Look to change yourself. If you are not getting your needs met, look somewhere else. Don’t make someone responsible for your happiness, take charge of it yourself.

Holding on to what doesn’t work, doesn’t make it work. It just breaks you down and takes your power away from you. Love yourself enough to ask for better and you just might get it.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook.

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… walk away with love.

ALWAYS with love.

Our lives consist of many different types of relationships, but not every one of those relationships is meant to be in your life forever. And even those that are, seldom make it there, unfortunately.

Not everyone will understand you and support who you are. Not everyone will appreciate you and not take you for granted. Not everyone will make time for you. Not everyone will be able to communicate with you. Not everyone will recognize the beauty in your relationship until it’s too late. And certainly not everyone will recognize what they have lost until they have truly lost it. That’s generally how it works.

And some people NEVER learn but remain comfortable in their patterns — forever blaming their patterns for why they cannot move forward. And forever repeating those patterns in hopes that one day they find the “magic person” who can fix it for them. But that never works.

Relationships aren’t important for where they bring you to, they are only important for how they have changed you.

If people you are involved with cannot see the value of what you bring to the table, then they do not get to have you.

But love them anyway.

Love them because they taught you so much about yourself. Love them because they helped shape your heart and open your mind. Love them because they unveiled your hidden pain and your fears so you could work on them. Love them because they taught you what you do and DO NOT want to experience in a relationship. Love them because it is that love that will transform you. And finally love them, because if you don’t, you will just carry the scars of that hurt forward into your next relationship. And you deserve better than that.

When people can’t appreciate what they have in you, don’t fight them, quietly disappear from their lives, and take that love with you. When you leave with love, you leave with all the learning that made you BETTER. You are the one who wins. Let that love transform you on your path forward and happily open you up to a new tomorrow.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Weekly Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

 

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… until you don’t have any fight left.

If there is someone or something you want in life, you fight for it. Otherwise you lose it.

How do you know it’s worth fighting for?

If its presence in your life makes you better, makes you happier, lifts you, supports you and challenges you to think of things in a new way — it’s worth fighting for.

If its presence in your life doesn’t shift your consciousness, doesn’t make you feel happy & supported, doesn’t uplift you, doesn’t push you beyond yourself, and doesn’t encourage you to be a better version of yourself — it’s not worth the fight.

Just because it’s difficult DOESN’T MEAN it’s NOT worth fighting for.

Anything worth the fight is worth fighting for. And anything difficult that’s worth fighting for, is challenging your sense of commitment and dedication.

If something is right for you, there will always be solutions. If it is NOT right for you, options will seem impossible.

Listen to how you feel. Your emotions tell you everything you need to know about what is right for you. If it feels right to you, fight and fight harder; if it doesn’t feel right and you’re exhausted and depleted, walk away and give the situation time to heal.

Don’t give up the fight until you’ve lost your will to fight. Decide what is worth fighting for, put forth your best effort, and let the universe do the rest. Answers ALWAYS come when YOU DON’T GIVE UP THE FIGHT. 

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook.

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… doesn’t mean you are finished with it.

We think just because it’s behind us that we’re done with our past. But the past doesn’t work that way. The past is only in our past if we have learned what we needed to learn from it and subsequently let it go.

How do you know if you have let it go? You are no longer attached to it.

So if it’s in your past, but you’re still angry about it, you’re still attached to it.

If it’s in your past, but you’re still upset about it, you’re still attached to it.

If it’s in your past, but you’re still hurting over it, you’re still attached to it.

If after all this time, you’re still having a strong emotional response to that person or event, then clearly you are still attached to it and therefore NOT finished with it. For better or worse, it’s very much still alive in your mind and heart.

You cannot run from your past. Unfortunately if you do not deal with it, it will always come back. Your past has a funny way of finding you when it is time to deal with something you’ve buried. So when your past comes back to you, it’s NEVER an unfortunate mishap, it’s the universe’s way of providing you with another opportunity for closure. Take it.

Just because a chapter of your life closes, doesn’t mean you are finished with it. Learn to not only close it, but find the closure in it.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook.

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stepping-backward… not backwards.

Bet you didn’t know that.

Setbacks are a necessary step along the path of life. They are your indication that the path you’ve been traveling is no longer working for you.

A setback literally STEPS YOU BACK from moving ahead in a given direction. It forces a timeout to get still within yourself and take stock of the direction you are going. A setback is never a punishment to who you are, it’s a recalibration of the path you’ve been traveling.

If you experience a setback, the universe is clearly telling you that it is NOT in your best interest to proceed in that direction. It helps to clarify that it is NEVER a SETBACK but a STEP BACK in order to take stock of where you are/where you are going. The STEP BACK puts your life momentarily on PAUSE. That pause is very purposeful because it demands that you re-chart a new path which is much better suited to your needs and desires.

The setback is NEVER SETTING YOU BACK. It’s only SETTING YOU UP for a much better path, if you can heed it. Setbacks move you forward, not back. Recognize that the setback is a protection against moving in the wrong direction, so allow it to guide you towards a new direction which will be more satisfying for you. You are never being SETBACK in your life, you are only being SET UP for the future that awaits you – you only need to allow yourself to be open to it. 

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynnclick here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

Follow Donnalynn on Instagram or Twitter or Facebook.

 

 

 

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