Your Progress is Not Contingent on How Unhealed People Treat You

… it’s contingent on how you react to their treatment.

In life, we can never take the “impersonal, personal.” How people treat you has more to do with who they are/what they are going through then it has anything to do with you.

You are not responsible for changing people, you are responsible for changing yourself.

If an unhealed person lashes out at you, that is on them; it’s their work to resolve within themself. If you allow that unhealed person to trigger you, then that is on you. Your work is to find out why their inadequacies trigger your insecurities.

We are all mirrors to each other. We reflect back to each other aspects of ourselves we may not be aware of.

It’s easy to blame unhealed people for your trauma; it’s not as easy to recognize a trauma response within ourselves. Unhealed people have work to do, and if you’re triggered by an unhealed person, you have even more work to do.

We are here to evolve and to progress through this matrix. Don’t get tripped up by an unhealed being. Not everyone wants to grow. Remember that your progress is never contingent on how unhealed people treat you; it is only contingent on how you react to them. Resolving your need to react is the key to evolution.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

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Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s Column at the NY OBSERVER, click here.

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Every Time You Get Knocked Down

… get yourself right back up again.

It doesn’t matter WHO knocked you down, WHY they knocked you down or HOW they knocked you down, if you’re down, it’s your responsibility to get yourself back up. No one else can do it for you.

You may not be in control of getting knocked down, but you are certainly in control of staying there. Staying on the ground is a choice. And it’s a choice that will ALWAYS keep you down.

Don’t focus on the drama of being knocked down. It’s just a story you tell yourself. Learn to re-frame that story to find the empowerment behind it. Pick yourself up, pick up the pieces, and put them back together the best way you know how in that moment and keep moving forward.

Sitting on the ground in the rain, just gets you wet. Learn to pick yourself up and run for shelter. You just have to decide that you want better for yourself. Get up and give yourself half a chance to find it.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

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Feeling Pain Isn’t a Problem

… running from it is.

Believe it or not, pain isn’t a bad thing. It’s actually an indication that you are learning and growing. All growth requires some level of discomfort; it is called “growing pains.” This pain is inevitable and it signifies the emotional hard work and challenges that we all face day-to-day and for which we valiantly (hopefully) overcome.

But for some reason we try and avoid feeling this pain… we try and avoid it at all costs. But what we really do not understand is that avoiding the pain doesn’t make your life any better, it only intensifies the experience of the pain later on. Why? Because you can only stave off the lesson causing the pain for so long before it comes back with a vengeance. It’s just a matter of time before that lesson will come calling again and when it does, trust me, it means business.

Do yourself a favor. Don’t run from your life by hiding from your pain. Your escapism strategies (drugs, alcohol, food, tv, internet, sleeping, shopping, sex, etc..) only guarantee that you will get hit HARDER later on. Work through the pain when it presents itself the first time – get the lesson and get out so you can move forward with the rest of your life.

The pain isn’t there to torture you unduly so, it is there to enrich you and make you better. Pain is your friend. Go towards it and see what it has for you. When you allow yourself to fully go into the experience of the pain, you very quickly transform it and life gets better very easily. When you avoid that pain, you prolong and perpetuate the feelings of the pain for a very long time. Don’t wallow in your pain, do something about it. Stare it in the face and stare it down. Your life is too short to get shut out by your own pain. Feeling pain is never the problem, running from it always is.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

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People In Pain

… act like jerks.

They just do.

They don’t mean to act like jerks. They are in pain and they have no choice but to lighten their load of that pain by dumping it onto others. In other words, people in pain only know how to heal themselves by hurting others. Deep seated emotional pain builds over time. And pain is such a heavy burden to carry so when people in pain lash out and spew anger at you, it lightens their load and they feel temporarily better. It’s fairly simple but toxic to the person who bears the brunt of that venom.

People in pain not only lash out at you to release some of that pain but they inadvertently allow that pain to shut them down to you as well. In other words, that pain is so heavy that it blots out any other emotion or ability to connect with others. That pain blocks their ability to be empathetic to your needs, it blocks their ability to hear you when you need help, it blocks their ability to be open in a relationship, it blocks their ability to hear constructive criticism, it blocks their ability to be there for others. It only succeeds in creating an angry, aggressive and selfish being who has allowed their pain to isolate them from the rest of the world.

What to do? When people in pain lash out at you, don’t take it on as yours. Recognize that they are not being jerks for no reason, they are in pain and the only way they know how to cope is to throw it at you. Be the bigger person. Recognize they are in pain and cast their drama aside. It’s not yours to carry. Learn to silently say to yourself, “I recognize you are in pain. I don’t need to add to it, so I will just step over here and you can throw your tantrum on someone else. Have a nice day.”

Fighting back with someone in pain never yields the balance you both deserve. Remember when people are in pain, they act like jerks. Send love to that person and it will help to alleviate some of their pain. No one wants to be a jerk. They just do not have the tools they need to heal.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

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Letting Go of the Past

… helps you to move forward into your future.

We are always meant to move forward in our lives and not spend time looking backwards. But many of us get stuck looking back at the past. We relive it over and over again keeping ourselves in a viscous cycle of stagnancy.

The only way to move forward in your life is to acknowledge your past – get the lesson from it – and get out of it. By continuing to look back and play the blame game, we never grow into the beings we were meant to. We keep ourselves back.

Your past is your past for a reason. It has set the foundation for you to become who you are today. But if you are unwilling to acknowledge the challenges that were set up for you to specifically overcome, you might instead see yourself as the victim – and victims tend to look back at their past with regret, anger and resentment.

You are NEVER a victim of your life. No matter what you tell yourself, your past is your past for a reason. Your circumstances (no matter how dire they may be) are your catalyst for growth. The degree to which you will evolve in this life is contingent on the degree to which you allow yourself to learn from your past and subsequently make changes so that your future is brighter.

Looking backwards will only keep you stuck in a cycle of pain, remorse, anger and resentment. Your work is to find meaning in your past and shut it down – once and for all. Once you have found the meaning (the lesson), your future will always be brighter. The universe rewards those who move forward in their lives. Those who look back will continue to live the painful past they are focusing on. After all, you can’t start the next chapter of your life if you are still re-reading the last one.

Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

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When You Get Angry

… it’s never about someone else.

It’s ALWAYS about YOU.

Just like happiness is not contingent on anything outside of you, it comes from within; so does anger, but we rarely understand this concept. We like to pretend that it’s everyone else’s fault that they somehow “made us angry.” Truth is, they were just triggers to bring out the anger that we already have inside of us. 

Blaming others for our apparent anger issues, is deconstructive. It is never anyone else’s fault that you cannot control your emotional state. You have a choice everyday as to whether or not you will ALLOW someone to push your buttons and make you angry. If you engage that very impulse, you have chosen to give your power over to another human being to make you angry. It is always a choice – a choice to react to that other person as if their dysfunction was yours or it is a choice to be FREE of them and their dysfunction. That choice is always yours.

Recognize that you do not have to dance with someone’s crazy. If crazy makes you angry, learn to disengage from their dance. You can still spend time with that person, you just do not need to make yourself responsible for pointing out their bad behavior. If you don’t claim it as your own, it shouldn’t have any effect over you.

Finally, don’t stay angry with people who anger you. Those people are only there to show you your own tendency towards anger. Thank them for raising the emotion in you so that now you may heal it. They are doing you a great service if you learn from your behavior. If you don’t, you will just stay angry. 

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Read more inspiration in Donnalynn’s new Book, “Life Lessons,” click here.

If you would like more information on Emotional Wellbeing and Life Coaching Sessions with Donnalynn, click here.

If you would like to read some reviews on Donnalynn’s Coaching, click here.

If you would like to schedule a session with Donnalynn, click here.

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