Who You Are

… is good enough.

In fact, it is better than good enough. It’s awesome.

At an early age we are trained in our society that we have to conform to a certain standard for social acceptance and respect in our communities. We mistakenly believe we have to attend the “right schools,” hold the “right jobs,” live in the “right type of home” in the “right neighborhood” and be part of the “right social group,” etc…

Where has all this “righteousness” gotten us? Devoid of any individuality, that’s for sure. Conformity is never the answer. It is better to stand apart from the crowd and rest in the knowledge that who you are is ALWAYS better than the sum of the conformists combined.

When we sell ourselves out for acceptance into a group, we lose ourselves. By conforming to another’s standard, you never become YOU. Conformity depletes your power and renders you “just another lemming in a sea of lemmings.” But when you rise above conformity and focus on your own individuality, you soar higher than any lemming partner.

It doesn’t matter what others think of you. It ONLY matters what you think of you. You are not responsible for other people’s lives, you are only responsible for your own. If you are caught up living a life that isn’t your own but that you think looks good, you will forever be caught in a sea of monotony and never find your true direction. Finding who you are means breaking all the rules and redefining them on your own terms. Bring the color back to your life, empower yourself to make your own choices. If you stand as an individual with integrity, purpose and kindness, people will naturally be drawn to you.

But even if others do not follow you, they will always respect you for being an individual. It is much harder but more gratifying to walk the path less traveled. Think about it… it is easier to join a group and blindly follow their definition of success then it is to put it out there yourself and strive for something higher.

Who you are is good enough. It always was. Don’t trade it in for some ideal of acceptance. That is never the way to grow higher in life, it’s the way to keep yourself locked in mediocrity.

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When You Love Yourself

… you WIN.

When you give to YOU, you have so much more to give to others – your light shines.

When you continually put others and their needs in front of yours, you suffer – it puts out your light.

Believe it or not, your only responsibility in life is to yourself. That is not to say that you become selfish. But it is to say that your goal in life should be to prioritize your needs and NOT push them to the back burner for anyone.

Our goal in life is to become healthy, happy and well-adjusted. This only happens by honoring ourselves and our boundaries with others. When you are good to YOU, your vibration raises, you feel fulfilled, contented, supported and inspired to live the best life you can. It is from that space that we can create happiness and success while also inspiring others make positive change in their lives.

But when we overextend ourselves and give everything away to others, (aka becoming the “martyr”) we take ourselves down. When you give yourself away, you lose YOU. Simple concept that we have yet to embrace.

No one told you that you are responsible for saving the world. You want to do good in the world? Start by saving yourself FIRST. Draw real boundaries between you and negative people who drag you down, take time out for yourself, treat yourself to anything that makes you happy. Honor YOU, and watch your life flourish. Like attracts like. When you are happy, your vibration raises and you continue to attract high vibrational people and situations into your life.

But when you are busy exploiting yourself for others, your vibration drops and you continue to attract lower vibrational situations and people.

How do you want to live? Learn to love yourself and make the most out of YOUR life. No one is responsible for your happiness but you, so make it a priority. 

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Nothing Ever Leaves Your Life

… until it has taught you what you need to know.

People and situations come in and out of our lives to teach us something. It is a part of life. The true learning comes from recognizing that if someone or something has left your life, it is because it was time for it to do so. Once we learn the lessons we move on to a much higher playing field (happier, more abundant, etc..)

Trouble begins when we are reluctant to let go of what we know is not serving us (toxic job, relationship, etc..). It is up to you to recognize when a person or situation has outlived its purpose and let it go. You know you are holding on too long when the situation becomes uncompromising, frustrating and you are beating your head on a wall over and over again with no new result. You can hold onto that old lesson but doing so will assure you of reliving that lesson over and over again. But we rarely acknowledge this pattern in ourselves. Instead we prefer to hold on and hope the situation will change in our favor but it never does.

What’s worse with holding on to old lessons is that you can only hold onto them for so long before they get ripped away from you and you are you left with nothing but a sense of loss and abandonment. The universe will eventually clear the decks and take away what you were not strong enough to do yourself.

Why keep yourself back? Recognize when you get the lesson and be strong enough to extract yourself from the negative pattern. Invite change and new life in. You cannot hold onto your “accomplishments” forever, eventually it is time to evolve them and encourage yourself to grow past them. This is how we grow. You cannot lose what is real for you, if it leaves your life, it is because you are meant to grow beyond it.  

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Accepting Crumbs

… will never get you the full loaf of bread.

Accepting less than you deserve will only succeed in drawing less than satisfying situations into your life over and over again. In other words, if you make it a habit of accepting crumbs from lovers, bosses, family members or friends, then crumbs is what you will get. End of story.

When you exhibit a level of contentedness with those crumbs, you set a precedent and define a boundary of “being ok with getting less than you deserve”. This sends out the signal that you do not need or require more to be happy. You can no longer blame your significant other or boss, etc… for them not treating you better. In essence you have told them it is not necessary to give you more. Don’t sit around and wait and hope for someone to give you what you want. It will never happen. Decide that you will not spend one more hour wanting for what you need, be direct and tell them exactly what you want. If you do, you have half a chance of actually getting it.

One thing is for sure, if there is something that you need or want in life, articulate it and do not accept those crumbs. Crumbs never satisfy your hunger. They leave you frustrated, obsessive and hungry for more. After awhile of only getting crumbs, you begin to get resentful and angry. But whose fault is it? You do not get what you do not ask for.

Throw out those crumbs and demand a full loaf of bread, if not the entire bakery. We cannot sustain ourselves on crumbs alone. There is a whole bakery out there with your name on it. Stop the hunger and start satiating yourself with what you truly deserve.

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Do it Anyway

You are not always going to be appreciated for everything you do in life - do it anyway.

We talk a lot about being who you are and about not allowing yourself to feel undermined by others who do not understand you. The same goes for your initiatives in life. When you find what makes you happy and you excel at it, you should continue to do it whether or not others understand or support you.

Nothing and no one should ever hold you back from putting good out into the world. If you are contributing to the betterment of others, an organization, society, humanity, your work and life in general, then that becomes its OWN reward. Always take the higher road because it always leads you to a higher place.

This requires a shift in understanding. Our egos are so attached to being right, being accepted, being appreciated and being supported that when we do not receive that type of recognition, we get discouraged and feel deflated and sometimes lost. Generally this happens in our careers and it is partly because others are not always able to see beyond their own personal situation and that tends to complicate their perceptions of your work.

Again, you are not always going to be appreciated for everything that you do.

You are not always going to be acknowledged for everything that you do.

You are not always going to be supported to do everything that you do.

Do it anyway.

Do it regardless of the level of appreciation, support and acknowledgment you receive from others. Do it because it is who you are and do it because it makes you a better person. Leave the others in your dust. Don’t need for them to see your beauty. They will not always see your greatness. It is their loss.

Whatever it is you are doing, or want to do with your life, do not allow fear to stand in your way. Ego and judgment (by ourselves and others) are our biggest obstacles. In the face of adversity, you should be able to stand up and say “this is what I am doing” and do it anyway.

When you stop caring about the result and the approval rating, your success will trump your wildest dreams. Life is too short, get on it and do it all anyway.

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Life is Not a Popularity Contest

… it doesn’t matter who likes you, it only matters that YOU like you.

In life, you are not always going to be everyone’s cup of tea, and that HAS to be alright. Nor should you want to be everyone’s cup of tea. We are not in high school anymore, your value and self-worth should not be judged by what other people think of you. It should come from within. The only judgment we should be concerned with in life is the judgment we place on ourselves.

We tend to look outside of ourselves for validation within. We compare ourselves to others – what they are doing with their careers, how they are living, how successful they are, their relationships, etc… Your life will never be yours if you are forever looking to others for inspiration.

Here’s the deal… Not everyone is going to like you. Not everyone is going to understand you. Not everyone is going to “get you.” It’s just the way it is. Feel great about yourself anyway because who you are is ALWAYS good enough. In fact, it is better than good. It is perfect.

When you can learn to love the person that you are separate from those around you, that is when your life will really take off. Channel all that energy – thinking about all those people and what they are doing “better than you” and how you are measuring up and put that energy into your goals, your passions and really start to feed your soul from the inside-out. You will start to see that you will emanate a glow that will make others want to be near you. Popularity is an inside job. Do the work inside, and the world around you will be magnetically drawn to you. 

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Mending Wounds

We are all a bit broken. Everyone of us.

It is not the fact that you are broken that’s an issue, it is for you to recognize the parts of yourself that are wounded and allow yourself to heal those wounds everyday. In other words, you do the work.

Our wounds are like giant holes leaving us feeling empty and alone. Most people fall into the abyss of those holes and go right down to the bottom. They allow themselves to feel more and more broken and empty everyday. They wait and hope that someone or something will come into their life and fill those empty holes, but that never works. Those holes can never be filled from outside of you. In many cases, those holes never really fill completely. But in life, we must cross over that hole to get to the other side so that we can have new experiences and move on with our lives.

There isn’t a magic bullet or perfect prescription for how to “do the work” and “mend our wounds.” We always want answers in life but unfortunately answers are never simple. You can never really fill the hole completely, but you can learn how to navigate around it to get to the other side. In many ways, mending wounds is akin to building a bridge. Sometimes navigating the hole entails building yourself that bridge to get you over the pain.

The goal is to not stay stuck in the hole. Want more for yourself. Figure out how you can learn to circumvent the hole. What bridges can you build yourself that will successfully take you over your pain and to the other side where the sunlight is shining and your possibilities are endless? Remember don’t focus on “filling the hole,” focus on building a creative bridge to get you across to the other side. Whatever that bridge may be, know that at its essence the bridge is lined with self-love. Love yourself enough to find anyway to make yourself happy. The rest will heal in time. A series of bridges can and always will help the hole to heal. Before you know it, you won’t need a bridge. You will be able to step right across that hole and into the ideal life you’ve created for yourself.

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The Truth Behind Sarcasm

… it is always there.

Don’t kid yourself, there is ALWAYS an element of truth behind every sarcastic remark. Every biting comment has a reason for being.

No doubt, people who are sarcastic are very entertaining. They have a way of saying things that others cannot say. But are they truly representing themselves or are they hiding behind their words?

In life, self-expressionism is key – the ability to speak your mind freely and willingly is what keeps you alive and thriving. But many people are too frightened to say what they need to say for fear of being judged, persecuted or fear of being vulnerable. Never censor yourself. If people do not like you for who you are and what you have to say, then they are not worth it. Never try to be something you are not.

Sarcastic individuals hide behind their humor and delivery. There is a sense of acceptance when they give a sarcastic remark that might not otherwise be tolerated. It is sort of a back-handed way of getting your point across. The problem with sarcasm is not just that it is a deep-seated example of passive aggressiveness and repression but it is also contains an extremely heavy and negative energy which breeds more of the same. Sarcasm carries many elements of jadedness, bitterness, anger, frustration, resentment, etc… It is not a freeing style of communication. This negativity is binding to the person who harbors it and also becomes toxic to those who engage it.

The truth behind sarcasm is that there is ALWAYS truth in every sarcastic comment. When we learn to allow ourselves to truly be who we are, we no longer need to hide behind a shroud of biting humor. That type of humor no longer becomes necessary to get our point across. When we let go of our fear of being judged and open up to being more vulnerable, our communication softens and our humor becomes less acidic/edgy and more engaging and inspiring. What’s your truth?

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When People Tell You Who They Are

… believe them.

So often we want to believe in the good of others. We want to give them the benefit of the doubt. We see so much potential in them – so much so, that we are willing to overlook anything to the contrary. We make excuses for people, we turn a cheek to pain and betrayal in hopes that it will never happen again. We assure ourselves that every indignation is a one-off – “they are just having a bad day,” we tell ourselves.

Now understand that it is a great gift to be able to believe in people and see their hearts… to believe in them and see what no one else sees… But at the same time, it is a great curse to ignore what is right in front of you.

When people tell you (by way of showing you) who they are, believe them. Talk (and email) is very cheap. We use vocabulary as manipulation. Actions are the most telling. When you enter that new relationship, the first time that person crosses your boundaries, make a note – this is who they are. They may not say as such, but their actions tell you everything you need to know. When they offer bad behavior upfront, do not believe in their potential to change. Do not think that you are an exception to the rule – that you will somehow change them – that you will somehow convert them into a better version of themselves. It never works.

As Sarah McLachlan says in Dirty Little Secret, ”I’ve relied on my illusions to keep me warm at night.”  We all rely heavily on our illusions to comfort us and help us to ignore what is right in front of us. Somehow making up a better version of it all can make it seem alright and consequently justify the time we have invested into the relationship.

In reality people do not change, and it is wrong of you to expect that they will. People can want to change and can even go through the motions of trying to change, but at its essence level, change is extremely difficult – especially the older we get and the less disciplined we are. If you want a healthy relationship, be a good “listener” and hear what is actually being “said” to you. When people tell you who they are, believe them.

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Fake it Till You Make it

Stop thinking you are not ready. Stop putting off your tomorrows. Learn to redefine success.

Nobody ever thinks they are ready to embark on something new. In your mind, you will never have enough money to have your first child or move into that big new home or buy your beach house or get married or change your career. You will always tell yourself that something is first needed before you can make that move. This is your ego’s way of keeping you safe from a perceived failure. For most of us, we would prefer to never try, then to try and fail. The ego is clever, it comes fully equipped with defense mechanisms to protect it from looking foolish or “less than perfect.” This shows up as procrastination measures and procrastination ultimately marks the difference between surviving and thriving.

Adhering to the ego keeps you small and keeps you from becoming great. Most great opportunities in life force us to grow and move beyond our comfort zones. Feeling comfortable is a sign to you that you have conquered and achieved. Feeling discomfort is a sign to you that you need to persevere and challenge yourself. The choice is always yours. Life never happens to you - it happens for you. The secret is in believing in yourself.  Even if you think you do not have what it takes, you keep moving forward. Fake it ’til you make it – then it will be yours. By taking on the challenge with an air of certainty and belief in yourself, you will always earn that which you are seeking.

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